Dying In Order To Truly Live

The gemara says that Torah is only acquired to one who "kills himself for it" ממית עצמו עליה. What does that mean for us? Should we actually shoot ourselves chas vi-shalom, announcing in advance that we are doing so for the sake of Torah? What will that accomplish?

The other day I received an email from my father in law's email address. Lots of people get emails from their father in law. The difference is that my father in law died a decade ago....

Afer he died - all of the emails he received went unanswered. All of the telephone calls to him were un-returned. All of his patients managed to find a new doctor. Life went on without him.

When you are learning Torah - pretend you are dead. No Iphone, no blackberry, no cell phone. The world will function JUST FINE without you. Watch. I promise. After you go for good at 120 the world will continue. So if you are only "dead" for an hour a day, certainly nothing will happen.

Someone once organized a weekly shiur for me to deliver. It was the organizer and two other gentleman who came [couldn't attract more people - like I have written on these pages, the yetzer hara will let a person do almost anything but learn. He is afraid of the positive power of Torah so he fights against it with all of his strength. And he often wins...] but told me that they had to have their blackberry's on during the shiur so that they could send and receive emails, check the internet etc.

I was VERY perturbed even though I didn't say anything. People don't have one hour a week to put aside their silly olam ha-zeh to absorb a little ruchniyus? I guess not... The shiur was in a short time ממית עצמו and since then I have not had the zchus to be publicly marbitz Torah [in a non-computer, skype/blog/audio format]. If giving a shiur means people not really being there - then I don't miss it.

Our job is to be ממית עצמנו. When we are learning nothing else should exist in the world but the sefer in front of us and our chavrusa/ maggid shiur.  

Paradoxically, the ממית עצמו will give you the most powerful boost of life.

 עץ חיים היא למחזיקים בה.