“Being nice was a big thing in my family. We were taught early and reminded often that we had to be nice—even if it meant letting our brat of a brother play with our favorite toy. I think that Mom meant well, but it took me the longest time before I realized that all my ‘nice’ training was turning me into an angry and bitter martyr. It was so ingrained that I deferred to anyone and everyone about just about everything.
Ask me where I wanted to go for dinner, and I would immediately say, ‘Oh, I don't care, where do you want to go?’ The question, ‘Would you mind?’ was always immediately followed by an ‘Of course not!’ Then later I'd find myself being resentful at being ‘forced’ into the situation. “
After years of this, I finally got it that I was as worthy of as much consideration as I granted the other person. Instead of merely deferring, I began to ask myself what did I really want and to offer the truth of that to the other person, even if it wasn't ‘nice.’ Slowly I stopped being resentful.”
Kindness is a bottomless fountain—not a river running outward. True kindness cannot be given away, it can only be shared; and in order to share the grace of kindness, we need to partake of it as well. One of the most difficult tasks facing many people today is being able to treat ourselves kindly, to direct inward all the compassion and understanding we so often muster for a friend, sister, child, or spouse.
If this is true for you, how about getting in the habit of asking yourself what you want out of this day, what you need to make your heart sing, and then try to give to yourself in the true spirit of kindness?"
ואהבת לרעך - כמוך
