Who can I truly trust? This is a big issue because our society is built upon the foundation of trust. You trust the cab driver will take you to your destination. You trust the doctor will do his best to help you. You trust that the mailman will deliver the letter you sent. [Am I being anachronistic? Do I use words like "anachronistic" to show people that I have a large vocabulary? Do I try to impress people or am I being real? Another issue with which I struggle. As I mentioned in another post - when I DO try to impress people I am usually not successful because frankly - people couldn't care less whether or not I'm impressive. They are much more concerned with whether THEY are impressive. So why do I still care what people think? Why are my parenthetical comments longer than the main point?]
But sometimes in life people let you down. Parents, friends. Yes, even spouses. How many stories are there of a husband or wife who woke up one bright morning and said "That's it, we're done". Or a husband or wife who finds out that their spouse has been less than faithful. אין אפוטרופוס לעריות. According to our holy Sages the only person you can completely trust in such matters is one whose heart has permanently stopped beating. What about money matters? I am EXTREMELY naive and have been swindled in various ways over the years in too many ways to count. [My personal favorite is the gentleman who said he desperately needs money to buy his mother medication RIGHT NOW or else she would die. I of course forked it over. I hope he enjoyed the drugs he purchased...] There are so many people out there who are less than completely honest. Now, my last name means "Honest Man" and I really try to live up to it but not everybody is an "Honest Man".
What about friends? Who can I count on to be there for me when I need him. That my simcha will be his simcha and my trouble will be his trouble. I have a loooong list of friends who have let me down. [One of my favorites is my former chavrusa who didn't come to my wedding and never even apologized. It's been about 17 and a half years and when I see him, as I do quite frequently, I still remember. I'm not angry G-d forbid. Just slightly pained.]
Or "talmidim". I don't actually have any for two reasons. A] I am not worthy. B] They generally move on and forget you exist [or so it seems]. To find true allegiance is very rare. Even the one's who were actually in my shiurim would come sometimes and not come other times. Whatever was convenient for them. Rarely a feeling of "I want to learn as much as I can from this person - I'd better come." Parents of "talmidim". I ממש love them all but I rarely get the sense that my investment of time energy and resources went appreciated. Just another one of those "rabbis". Yes - but rabbis are people with feelings too and are not made out of plastic.
Ahhhhhh - am I going to become cynical and say that I can't trust anybody? No sireeee [or madammme, depending on your gender]. There are people I believe I can trust. Like my wife or my parents. [For an essay on marriage and trust see Rabbi Yosef Dovid Epstein's מצוות הבית in the הקדמה]. Also the rare good friend.
But you never know for sure with anybody. We all have part of us that says אני ואפסי עוד - I am the only true reality that matters. Some people I know really seem like tzaddikim but we have all heard stories [even in the last few years] of people who were trusted by many and turned out to be less than stellar in their behavior [to make an understatement] and caused indescribable anguish to many. I could be more specific - but I won't...
So I will continue to assume that the tzaddikim I know are tzaddikim but there is always part of me that is terrified to discover that I was wrong.
I am working through this issue and thought [although a little more personal than I like getting in such a public forum] that it may resonate with others and that ideas may be shared.
I will tell you my conclusions:
A] I am only in control of one lone person on the planet and I can make sure he always remains trustworthy. His name is "Al" and I feed and dress him every day. Otherwise - it's really not in my hands and I cannot control what is not in my hands. So I can try to be the most trustworthy person around in all areas, friendship, financial, familial and [f]otherwise [so many f's, decided to add one]. When someone has a simcha it should be my simcha and when someone has a trouble it should be my trouble. When dealing with money always be careful that the other person comes out on top [I am NOT going into business - don't worry]. Be a good husband, father, son and friend. These are things I can control.
B] I take Dovid Hamelech's advice to heart. אל תבטחו בנדיבים בבן אדם שאין לו תשועה.... אשרי שא-ל יעקב בעזרו שברו על ה' א-להיו - Don't rely on people, rely on Hashem.
Hashem! I believe that Hashem will never let me down. THAT is comforting.
Thoughts?
