"Do you know Chani Tribelwitzoskyfeld."
"I know her but I can't spell her last name," you answer [feeling the adar spirit].
No laughter heard at the other end of the line. "Well, she is actually working on changing it. This is about a shidduch".
"Well, I will only answer you if she is being set up with a boy who has a simpler last name. She has suffered enough", you answer, still trying to elicit some laughter.
No luck. "Don't worry about that. What can you tell me about her?"
Now you are in a bind. You know A LOT about Chani. If you say everything you know then you will be hurting her. If you don't, you might be causing harm to a potential suitor. Life and death are really in the hands of the tongue. THAT is why we have a halachic system that guides us in what we must say and we are forbidden from saying. Just in case you don't know the halachos I will link two shiurim I once heard here and here. Even if you don't listen please be aware that people are sensitive and try to imagine how you would feel in the other person's shoes. It is OK to say "I can't answer you right now. I must consult with a Rav and I'll get back to you in a few hours."
