Holy Doubt

I have recently been conducting conversations with two types of people.


One type are the people who know it all. They have no doubts. They walk around instructing others as to what is right and wrong. They don't need or want rabbonim because they know it all. They write op-ed pieces for the Jerusalem Post, have blogs, or just preach their gospel to any listening ear. Such people suffer from the insidious illness of never admitting that they are just wrong or that they don't know or that they have so much to work on.


Another type of person is not so sure. He sees both sides of the argument. Some issues are multi-dimensional and this person tries to make his way through the maze of approaches in order to get to truth. He appreciates the subtleties of life and is aware of the fact that he doesn't know it all.


In sfarim the concept of "doubt" is associated with amalek [safek and amalek even share a gematria]. So doubt is a horrible thing. Wipe out doubt! But sometimes two words with the same gematria are exact opposites. Doubt can be great. Amalek is cynical doubt. You can't know anything for sure so forget about it. Life has no absolute meaning because "who knows". Maybe there is a G-d but maybe not. Maybe my life matters, maybe it doesn't etc. That is Amalek. There is another, positive type of doubt. It says "I am so small and don't know very much but I want to know more. I am so limited in my perspective and I want to be expanded. Just because I think a certain way doesn't mean that it is necessarily the truth. Let me learn more. Let me expand my consciousness!!" 


The brain is an incredibly complex organ [over 100 BILLION nerve cells in the brain alone. Anyone who studies the brain and doesn't believe in G-d would seem not to have a brain... Google "human brain" and read. Ammmmaaaazing! מה רבו מעשיך השם]. In the brain, we have synapses and neurotransmitters and countless other parts which determine the way we think and feel. We are essentially prisoners of our brains, being able to function only with it's context. Hashem in His great love and mercy created us with great capacity for thought and understanding but we are still limited by our experiences, upbringing and our predisposed genetic tendencies. There is a great value in learning from others because we get a glimpse of another ways of thinking and being often no less valid than our own ways.


At the seder the child asks his father the 4 questions. If there are no children then the adults - even if they are great scholars - ask. There must be asking. Asking means "I don't know - I want to know more. Enlighten me". Some people have no questions and they also have no seder. More significantly [possibly], they will never leave the jail of their own limited understanding and achieve expanded, broader knowledge.


The beautiful Torah notion of having is Rebbi is a boon to growth, humility and knowledge. "Rebbi", we say, "I don't know, show me the way".


Chazal say a remarkable thing: ומתלמידי יותר מכולם - A good Rebbi learns more from his student than he does from anyone else. This idea shows the value and benefit of always keeping an open mind. The student is subordinate to the Rebbi and tries to understand and learn from him but the learning process is a two way street. The Rebbi is constantly learning from the student as well.


We never know it all. The greatest gadol in the world is called a תלמיד חכם - a wise student. Can you imagine telling a professor at MIT that he is a good student? He would be insulted. 


Sweetest friends - if you read this blog you probably have an open mind and want to expand your perspective and develop emotionally. You realize that life is a continuous often arduous journey of growth. Thanks for joining me, learning with me and most importantly - for teaching me:-).