Five Short Stories And The Lessons

I prefer to keep myself out of the blog. It is about Hashem and His Torah and not about me. I am not an exciting person anyway and am nothing to talk about. Not a big success in life by any stretch of the imagination [although I often try to stretch it far enough to convince myself that I am. I should really let Him decide]. But I know that many people enjoy personal stories with a Mussar Haskel, a practical lesson - so here are 5 short ones. 

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2 shul stories:

1] I once davened in a shul for 15 years. Not every day but from time to time. In all of those years I did not receive ONE aliyah. It was not a large shul. You could walk from the front door to the back wall in less than 10 seconds. [It actually got to the point where I got a bit nervous at Krias Hatorah. I was afraid that I was going to break my streak... Thank G-d, I never did].  

2] I davened in another shul [about 20 seconds away] for 10 years and didn't receive an aliya. One time I mentioned this matter of factly to a friend who promptly went to the Gabbai and miraculously they called me up that Shabbos. 

3 shiur stories:

1] I once gave a shiur between Kabbolos Shabbos and Maariv in a shul. There was a Rosh Yeshiva who davened there and my main source of nervousness beforehand was the hope that the RY would like what I said. 

I started to talk [with some humor, I believe] and he was OUT COLD. He woke up in time for "Borichu". NEGELVASSER!!!!!

2] I was invited to give a shiur in a Yeshiva. The Rosh Yeshiva attended and I was quite concerned that he should enjoy. 

No need to worry. 

OUT COLD. Sleepin' like a baby. 

3] I was invited to give a shiur in a distant neighborhood which I saw as a big honor. A large crowd attended. The Rov of this community is a very very famous personality. I thought that the shiur was really good. Afterwards I received some sincere "shkoyachs". But when the Rov approached me he said a perfunctory shkoyach as if I had picked up a candy wrapper from off the floor [quite clumsily] or something. To this day it is hard to shake the feeling of insult I had from him not appreciating the shiur. 

OK GREAT!!! NOW YOU KNOW ALL MY SECRETS!!!!! 

Now let's cut to the chase.... 

What is the common thread of all these stories???

EGOOOOOOO!!!!

Roshei Teivos "E'dge G'od O'ut". All about my ego. 

Getting called up to the Torah is not just about my great desire to bless Hashem for giving us the Torah. I do it EVERY DAY!!!! But when I get called up it means that I am "important" and being "recognized". Everybody is LOOKING at me, NOTICING me and RESPONDING to me. 

The shiurim? I wanted these important Rabbonim to like my shiur so that I feel good about myself. I have watched people fall asleep during shiurim countless times but somehow it bothers me most when I am the one giving the shiur. EGOOOO!!!!

So the solution for us ALL: 

Drop the ego trips. Focus inside. There you are in control and not bound by the opinion of others. And there is where it REALLY counts!!!!   

It is Corona times. The safest place is INSIDE. So physically and ALWAYS emotionally. 

PNIMIYUSSSSSS!!!!!!!

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Lesson two: A Gabbai may not like someone but his job as Gabbai is to make sure to equally give out as much kavod as possible.

Lesson 3: If you go to a shiur - TRY TO STAY AWAKE. Sleeping is an insult to the Torah itself, to the person giving the shiur and devalues the shiur in the eyes of the other people attending. In my life I don't think I have ever fallen asleep during a shiur [maybe once or maybe when I was too young to understand how rude it is]. Not b/c I am never tired or the shiur never seems boring. I am usually tired and many people have not mastered the art of giving exciting shiurim. I just would have trouble living w/ myself afterwards knowing how hurtful what I did is.  If you think that you are going to fall asleep - DON'T ATTEND:-)!!!!