As we transition into the three weeks, known in our literature as "בין המצרים" when we remember the tragedies that happen to our people and the deeper spiritual causes, it is worthwhile thinking specifically about "hatred" which was the root cause of the destruction of the 2nd Beis Hamikdash.
How does one heal this cancer called "hatred"?
First - view it as a cancer....
Second: This is the way I view it - maybe it will work for you...
Human beings by nature are selfish and self centered. A baby can think ONLY of him or herself. As we grow emotionally, we learn to be more thoughtful and considerate of others. But at our root we remain incredibly self centered. That is why the death of ONE close relative or friend will bother us more than the deaths of a million people we don't know. That is why we lose sleep and are anxious over our own problems but not over the trillions of problems of other people - many of them MUCH WORSE than our own.
This self centeredness is very important and was given to us by our Creator for a VERY good reason - it helps us survive. Due to our massive self concern, on a consistent basis we look both ways before crossing, eat, drink, sleep, brush our teeth - and go to work. Would you work if you knew your salary was going to someone else? Neither would I....
So when someone harms you in some way - it is USUALLY not about you but about them. He stole money from you b/c he loves himself and the way money makes him feel. It really had little or nothing to do with you. It was all about his problems and inadequacies. Just depersonalize everything. Most people are thinking very very little about you and you are just a means to help them get what they want.
What is advertising? Really - it is a request for money. But if they would just say "Give us your hard earned money" then nobody would. So instead they appeal to your self love. "Buy this cologne and you will smell awesome and girls will be attracted to you". "Buy these shoes and you will feel like you are walking on air". Such sentences are much more likely to get you to share with them some of your money. It is not about you - it is about them and you are the means for them to achieve their goals - in this case, getting your money.
If someone spoke about you behind your back - it is ALSO not really about you. Does this person REALLY know you? [Do you really know YOURSELF???]. No. It was about this person's very narrow perspective, highlighting one thing about you that they don't like, which may or may not be true. But they spoke about it because of their own emotional deficiencies. TRULY developed people don't speak disparagingly about others and don't even have the TIME to do so, because they are involved in much more important things. Why should I hate someone just b/c they are underdeveloped? Don't hate - feel compassion. They are ill....
That is the idea on the tip of an iceberg.
Depersonalize. Remember that the behavior of others has faaaar more to do with their own problems and deficiencies than about you personally. They aren't thinking about you all that much anyway.
