A man writes a letter to an "ask the rabbi" website with the following question:
"Is one transgressing the issur Aishes ish if the has [sic] relations derech eivorim? I understand its frowned upon, im only asking if has status of being boiyel Aishes ish?"
That is how he wrote it. With all the mistakes [which also say a lot. About 6 in two mere sentences].
A clearly religious man who received a yeshiva education is asking rabbis if he may go to bed with a married woman provided he makes sure not to put his bris milah in her makom ervah. He is apparently willing to be "frowned upon" as long as he won't be considered a "boiyel [yeshivish pronunciation] Aishes ish" [is he worried about his sin or her being forbidden to her husband?]. If he gets the green light he can show it to her and they are good to go.
The answer given what that it is not merely frowned upon but is יהרג ואל יעבור and one must die before committing such an act.
The truth is that she would NOT be forbidden to her husband in such a case and he would NOT be considered a בועל אשת איש [see Sotah 26b, which is probably where his question was coming from].
But such an act is totally disgusting, against the most basic standards of tzniyus and yes - יהרג ואל יעבור. SHE IS A MARRIED WOMAN!!! YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE LOOKING AT HER OR EVEN THINKING ABOUT HER!!!!
People look for loopholes in the Halacha [and sometimes don't even look for loopholes] and do the darndest things!!!! [See Ramban on the pasuk קדושים תהיו that even breaches in purity that are strictly speaking permitted are really forbidden].
Maybe the question was just asked out of curiosity but with no intention of doing such a thing.
We hope....
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My advice to this man [and to us all]: Get "into" learning.
Two things will happen.
1] Learning subdues the Yetzer Hara and purifies a person so that he will be disgusted by the thought of doing such a thing. [How would her husband feel if he found out? Your wife? Those thoughts should be enough to remove the desire]
2] He won't have TIME. When one is going through Talmud Bavli, Talmud Yerushalmi, Shisha Sidrei Mishna, Tanach, Shulchan Aruch etc. [slowly but surely....] he doesn't have free time to go bed [even דרך אברים...] with married women.
The problem is how LOW people set their sights in learning. Just because someone has a job doesn't mean that he can't become a massive Talmid Chochom, if he puts his mind to it.
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My advice to this man [and to us all]: Get "into" learning.
Two things will happen.
1] Learning subdues the Yetzer Hara and purifies a person so that he will be disgusted by the thought of doing such a thing. [How would her husband feel if he found out? Your wife? Those thoughts should be enough to remove the desire]
2] He won't have TIME. When one is going through Talmud Bavli, Talmud Yerushalmi, Shisha Sidrei Mishna, Tanach, Shulchan Aruch etc. [slowly but surely....] he doesn't have free time to go bed [even דרך אברים...] with married women.
The problem is how LOW people set their sights in learning. Just because someone has a job doesn't mean that he can't become a massive Talmid Chochom, if he puts his mind to it.
