When I was a child I instinctively believed two things:
1] Adults know better than me what is good for me.
2] Adults have only my best interests in mind.
When I was a teenager I realized that 1] is false. The older I get - the more convinced of that I become. When I was a child the adults who were in control didn't really know me and frankly - I didn't know myself that well either. Then I got older and got to know myself and realized that nobody can ever really know me. So I voluntarily abdicated my freedom of choice with this false belief - until I didn't, took control and vastly improved the quality of my life. [Obviously when I was really young I didn't voluntarily do that. I just did as I was told]. As an adult I have taken heard much advice for myself over the years and all of it has been directed to a person who is not me. Just about every time I followed it I found myself in a much worse place. But when I advise myself and go with my gut - I am spot on. B"H!!! Hashem gave us a Neshama and our Neshama knows. [And also ... תשועה ברוב יועץ. See further].
Then I realized as an adult that 2] is also often false. Adults have their own biases and hidden or revealed agendas. Sometimes adults act not in the best interests of the child but of themselves. Sometimes they are aware of this and sometimes completely unaware. Sometimes they really have the best intentions but are limited by their narrow perspective.
THAT BEING SAID - This has been MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE and in no way should serve as a model for others. It is often true that others have a perspective on you that you may lack. There ARE people who have only your best interests in mind. So what I wrote should not be taken as a blanket lesson for life.
The Mussar Haskel is that when parenting and/or teaching, try very hard to really understand the unique needs of the child and to remove all personal interests, biases and negiyos.
