There is a quiet unassuming Rosh Kollel in my neighborhood. He was recently "קונה" me as his chossid [even though he is not Chasidish]. Before Ma'ariv one night [when someone was instructing me how to daven] I mentioned that I try as Shaliach Tzibbur [3 times a day being an aveil this year] my best to please the Tzibbur but I always "succeed at failing" ["אני תמיד מצליח להיכשל"].
After davening he quietly approached me with his children in tow [almost every time I see him it seems that he is with his children - they are very, very good boys and are very attached to their father] and complimented my tefillah. I thanked him and sensing that I didn't think he really meant it he assured me that he REALLY enjoyed my tefillah.
Then I asked him if he knows a Zohar. "No", he said. "Teach me".
I told him that the Zohar says in Parshas Metzora that just as Hashem will bring judgment upon people for all of their negative speech, he will also bring judgment upon people for every time they could have said something positive but refrained from doing so. And so I appreciate your kind words.
We parted ways.
The next morning after Shachris he approached me and thanked me for teaching him the Zohar.
In my life, 53 years, I recall exactly zero times that someone asked me to "teach" him. I hear that as often as I here "I want to grow. Please give me mussar. In what areas do you think I can improve and how?" [I have been thanked a number of times for teaching people. Rare but it has happened. Fortunately, there are many reasons I aspire to teach Torah. One of them is NOT to receive thanks or positive acclaim]. People have egos and when one says "teach me" it elevates the other person and diminishes you. I have had the experience countless times that people have taught me or tried to teach me - unasked. Sometimes it is assuming that I don't know a Halacha and they do, so they have to set me straight. [At times they are right and at times they are wrong and just don't know the Halacha].
This Talmid Chochom asked me to teach him and then thanked me for doing so, admitting in essence that there is something I know that he doesn't.
He is officially "MY MAN".
Humility is the best of traits.
Mussar Haskel:
1] Be humble and elevate others at your expense. It is free but with great dividends.
2] הַחֲזֵק בַּמּוּסָר אַל תֶּרֶף נִצְּרֶהָ כִּי הִיא חַיֶּיךָ.
3] איזהו חכם? הלומד מכל אדם!!!
