Karmelo Kicking Himself For Not Converting To Islam And Stabbing Someone In The UK Instead

MCKINNEY, TX — Nineteen-year-old convicted murderer Karmelo Anthony, in his first public comments since being found guilty of first-degree murder for fatally stabbing Austin Metcalf last year during a high school track meet in Frisco, Texas, expressed regret that he didn't convert to Islam and stab someone in the UK instead.

Anthony currently faces up to 99 years in prison for the crime of not stabbing someone in England as a follower of the Prophet Muhammad.

"I really regret not converting to Islam and moving to London before I stabbed anybody, or at least move to Chicago and do it there" Anthony said. "Well... live and learn."

Defense attorney Mike Howard argued that his client would never even have been arrested if he were a Muslim in the UK and would be arguing such on appeal. "It's outrageous that my client was found guilty based on clear evidence," Howard said. "Those English barristers have it so easy."

Anthony, Howard said, would have easily walked free if he had perpetrated the same crime in the UK, and in fact would likely not have been prosecuted in the first place. "Let this be a lesson to everyone — if you're going to stab someone to death without cause, make sure you convert to Islam and do your stabbing in the UK. You'll be fine that way."

According to King's Counsel Jimson S. Rolifold in the UK, "There's a saying in England that there's no such thing as an open-and-shut case with a Muslim — mostly because the case is never opened in the first place."

In the meantime, the nation was thrown into a state of shock when it became public that a jury in Texas ruled that you can't just stab someone in the heart for no reason at all.

The case of one person taking a knife out of their bag to stab another person in the heart for no reason at all had legal experts and the public all scratching their heads, wondering what the legal outcome might be. The members of the jury in the Collin County District courtroom rocked the nation after it came out to announce their verdict that stabbing someone in the heart for no reason at all is "bad" and what some might call "murder."

Amazingly, the jury went on to read out a guilty verdict to the accused heart-stabber on the charge of first-degree murder.

"Honestly, we didn't know which way this case would go," said criminal defense attorney Anthony Pitaki. "With today's activist judges, you can do all sorts of violent things in America and get away with it normally. This was a surprising outcome."

"This court case is a real wake-up call to the people carrying knives in this country with the expectation that they can stab anyone they choose in the heart for no reason at all and get zero consequences."

At publishing time, Karmelo Anthony had legally changed his name to Muhammed Muhammed and announced he would be appealing the verdict and seeking refugee status in the United Kingdom.