"A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing."
I stride with head held high. Until I see him. He looks up to me, but I turn my eyes away. I feel my face pointing to the ground.
When was the last time you looked a homeless man in the eyes? I can’t remember if I ever have. Even on those few times when I would give a few coins, it was always with a stare fixed on my hand, looking at the cup. A quick drop of the money. A guilty turn away.
What does it mean to look someone in the eye?
“The eyes are the window into the soul”
It’s unclear where this idiom originated from but it speaks to an experience we’ve all had. When someone looks you in the eye, you can feel it. It may be uncomfortable. You may want to look away. Why? Because you feel the pressure, you feel that they can see through you. On the most fundamental level, they are testing you. Testing your humanity.
So why do we look away from the homeless man? Because to make eye contact would be to acknowledge his humanity. To literally come face to face, eye to eye with the brutal reality of his suffering. Our successs and wealth compared to his desperation and need. And once we come to fully realize that this is a fellow man, it would be evil for us not help. So instead, we don’t look. If they’re just a being, sitting there on the floor, we can make excuses.
“Ah it’s their fault for being there. They should have worked harder. I’m sure all my money will be spent on drugs anyways. Other people will help”
But when we come to terms with the reality of a human, one like us, someone who can cry, love and laugh, then we can make no excuse. Because as humans, we have dignity.
Dignity and price
You can buy a car, but can you buy a life? Sure, you could calculate the monetary value of your organs and body parts. But that would be buying a body. What about buying a life? What monetary value can we assign to your humanity?
Philosopher Kieran Setiya makes the distinction between dignity and price. Most things can be priced: Exchange $10 with the restaurant for a hot lunch. Buy that sports car for $30,000. Give up your time and energy to the company for $20 an hour.
But we cannot price ourselves: You would be existentially torn if you heard that your parents were trying to sell you for money. Everything that you have, and more, you will give up to save a loved one. A life insurance payout of $1 million does not bring a family back to life.
Every single one of us has dignity. Value that cannot be priced. Value that cannot be bought. As humans, we are valuable just because we are human. You could lose everything, live on the streets, and yet you would still deserve love. It would still be wrong if someone punched you in the face.
Are you pricing yourself?
So, do you feel dignified? Do you feel that your humanity is being recognized? That you are being loved and valued just because you exist? Or are you being priced?
What about work? Most hours of the day you are priced. How many dollars will you be paid for each hour of your time? Each hour of your life at work. “Oh, I see they are happy to pay a higher price for me to work there. Let me sell myself to them instead.”
The post of the fun event you went to. A story showing off your fresh fit. The latest TikTok you made. We sell ourselves on Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, and allow our followers and friends determine our price. “Ahh, I got less replies, less likes than they did. I don’t feel valued. My price is too low.”.
An event you’re organizing. How many people will turn up? An article you’re writing. How many views will you get? Sometimes we literally price our humanity. Why go to the exclusive club or the expensive restaurant? Sure, it’s probably nicer, but it’s also an attempt to affirm our value. I must be valuable and special if I do all these nice things.
Yes, being priced is the game we play. We have to recognize the value of our work and contributions to each other. That’s the reality of living in society where we collaborate and benefit from each other. But we risk the danger of confusing what we provide with who we are.
You aren’t your career. You aren’t your Instagram post. You aren’t what you do on the day to day. You are you. And even if you lost everything, you would still be human.
What is love?
You can love someone or something: A spouse, a friend, your work, your hobbies. You can love the sun, or the view out your window. Yet perhaps love is very simple. To love is to value something for being just what it is. For no other reason. To love someone is to dignify them, not to price them.
You can listen to your friend, offering your full attention. They could be saying complete nonsense, ideas you completely disagree with. But you listen just because you value their voice, their perspective as a fellow human. But your phone buzzes, and you pick it up. You check the notification, just a discount code for a sale, so you put it back away. “Sorry, where were we?”. You get back to listening. Yet by that small act, you’ve already failed them. You’ve priced your friend. You’ve decided that the conversation, isn’t intrinsically important. That there could be more important things. That you would have picked up your phone if the notification came with a higher price, for example, if another friend was messaging.
All that we want is to be dignified. To be valued as humans. To feel that even if we lost everything, if we could no longer serve our careers and contribute meaningfully to society, that we would still be deserving of each other’s attention and love.
I stride with head held high. Until I see him. He looks up to me, but I turn my eyes away. I feel my face pointing to the ground.
When was the last time you looked a homeless man in the eyes? I can’t remember if I ever have. Even on those few times when I would give a few coins, it was always with a stare fixed on my hand, looking at the cup. A quick drop of the money. A guilty turn away.
What does it mean to look someone in the eye?
“The eyes are the window into the soul”
It’s unclear where this idiom originated from but it speaks to an experience we’ve all had. When someone looks you in the eye, you can feel it. It may be uncomfortable. You may want to look away. Why? Because you feel the pressure, you feel that they can see through you. On the most fundamental level, they are testing you. Testing your humanity.
So why do we look away from the homeless man? Because to make eye contact would be to acknowledge his humanity. To literally come face to face, eye to eye with the brutal reality of his suffering. Our successs and wealth compared to his desperation and need. And once we come to fully realize that this is a fellow man, it would be evil for us not help. So instead, we don’t look. If they’re just a being, sitting there on the floor, we can make excuses.
“Ah it’s their fault for being there. They should have worked harder. I’m sure all my money will be spent on drugs anyways. Other people will help”
But when we come to terms with the reality of a human, one like us, someone who can cry, love and laugh, then we can make no excuse. Because as humans, we have dignity.
Dignity and price
You can buy a car, but can you buy a life? Sure, you could calculate the monetary value of your organs and body parts. But that would be buying a body. What about buying a life? What monetary value can we assign to your humanity?
Philosopher Kieran Setiya makes the distinction between dignity and price. Most things can be priced: Exchange $10 with the restaurant for a hot lunch. Buy that sports car for $30,000. Give up your time and energy to the company for $20 an hour.
But we cannot price ourselves: You would be existentially torn if you heard that your parents were trying to sell you for money. Everything that you have, and more, you will give up to save a loved one. A life insurance payout of $1 million does not bring a family back to life.
Every single one of us has dignity. Value that cannot be priced. Value that cannot be bought. As humans, we are valuable just because we are human. You could lose everything, live on the streets, and yet you would still deserve love. It would still be wrong if someone punched you in the face.
Are you pricing yourself?
So, do you feel dignified? Do you feel that your humanity is being recognized? That you are being loved and valued just because you exist? Or are you being priced?
What about work? Most hours of the day you are priced. How many dollars will you be paid for each hour of your time? Each hour of your life at work. “Oh, I see they are happy to pay a higher price for me to work there. Let me sell myself to them instead.”
The post of the fun event you went to. A story showing off your fresh fit. The latest TikTok you made. We sell ourselves on Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, and allow our followers and friends determine our price. “Ahh, I got less replies, less likes than they did. I don’t feel valued. My price is too low.”.
An event you’re organizing. How many people will turn up? An article you’re writing. How many views will you get? Sometimes we literally price our humanity. Why go to the exclusive club or the expensive restaurant? Sure, it’s probably nicer, but it’s also an attempt to affirm our value. I must be valuable and special if I do all these nice things.
Yes, being priced is the game we play. We have to recognize the value of our work and contributions to each other. That’s the reality of living in society where we collaborate and benefit from each other. But we risk the danger of confusing what we provide with who we are.
You aren’t your career. You aren’t your Instagram post. You aren’t what you do on the day to day. You are you. And even if you lost everything, you would still be human.
What is love?
You can love someone or something: A spouse, a friend, your work, your hobbies. You can love the sun, or the view out your window. Yet perhaps love is very simple. To love is to value something for being just what it is. For no other reason. To love someone is to dignify them, not to price them.
You can listen to your friend, offering your full attention. They could be saying complete nonsense, ideas you completely disagree with. But you listen just because you value their voice, their perspective as a fellow human. But your phone buzzes, and you pick it up. You check the notification, just a discount code for a sale, so you put it back away. “Sorry, where were we?”. You get back to listening. Yet by that small act, you’ve already failed them. You’ve priced your friend. You’ve decided that the conversation, isn’t intrinsically important. That there could be more important things. That you would have picked up your phone if the notification came with a higher price, for example, if another friend was messaging.
All that we want is to be dignified. To be valued as humans. To feel that even if we lost everything, if we could no longer serve our careers and contribute meaningfully to society, that we would still be deserving of each other’s attention and love.
Do you feel empty inside?
So, do you feel empty inside? Then stop selling yourself to the world. Look at all the places where you are trying to seek value. Where you are being priced. Then recognize that you don’t need any of it. The value that you’re searching for is already here. You don’t need to make it, you don’t need to ask others for it, it’s already here and it has always been here with you. Yes, it is easier said than done. We live in a world where we price each other. That’s not something you can change. We will always look to affirm our social standing. Yet while others may price you, you can stop pricing yourself. Take the time alone, without distraction, to fully ground yourself in the reality of who you are.
“Self-love” isn’t about trying to cuddle yourself. Loving yourself is about letting go of the price you put on yourself. It’s about letting yourself do stupid stuff, actions that might blow up in your face, choices that your friends, family and others might tell you is insane, stuff that might destroy your reputation. It’s to prize yourself, to recognize that you’re one special person, not for any reason other than the fact that you are human - created in the image of G-d.
So, do you feel empty inside? Then stop selling yourself to the world. Look at all the places where you are trying to seek value. Where you are being priced. Then recognize that you don’t need any of it. The value that you’re searching for is already here. You don’t need to make it, you don’t need to ask others for it, it’s already here and it has always been here with you. Yes, it is easier said than done. We live in a world where we price each other. That’s not something you can change. We will always look to affirm our social standing. Yet while others may price you, you can stop pricing yourself. Take the time alone, without distraction, to fully ground yourself in the reality of who you are.
“Self-love” isn’t about trying to cuddle yourself. Loving yourself is about letting go of the price you put on yourself. It’s about letting yourself do stupid stuff, actions that might blow up in your face, choices that your friends, family and others might tell you is insane, stuff that might destroy your reputation. It’s to prize yourself, to recognize that you’re one special person, not for any reason other than the fact that you are human - created in the image of G-d.
