Neh Joshi
I recently listened to an incredibly harrowing yet insightful TED talk, given by Aaron Stark.
In the 7 and a half minutes of his speech, he explains how unfortunate circumstances and devastating incidents of bullying, both at school and at home, almost led him to commit a horrifying deed. Like a spring that’s pulled back till it reaches a point of maximum potential, Aaron’s life was on the brink of devastation: he almost became a school shooter.
Recalling the difficult period, he says,
“My heart just got ripped out of me at that point. The darkness I’d been staring at for so long, I ran headlong into it. I had nothing left to live for. I literally had nothing to lose. And when you have nothing to lose, you can do anything, and that is a terrifying thought.”
What changed him from carrying out what would have been a terrible act?
The answer is surprising — but a few kind words from a friend turned his life around. A friend he himself had been unkind toward treated him in a way that melted Aaron’s raging heart. He says, emotionally,
“He treated it like it was a Tuesday. He treated me like I was a person. When someone treats you like a person when you don’t even feel like a human, it’ll change your entire world, and it did to me.”
Aaron’s story of severe emotional trauma followed by the healing elixir of kindness shows just how profoundly your words can affect someone else.
Do we truly know what someone else is going through?
Can we ever understand their emotional turmoil?
I think not. But we can do them the favor of saying something kind. A bit of encouragement, a hint of optimism, a playful compliment here and there — and maybe that person will hold on to what you said for the rest of their life.
Realize that there is no one who can escape the matrix of vulnerability that we all inherently possess. The least we can do is be compassionate and offer comfort.
It may even make their whole day. It may just inspire them to think and contemplate how they can improve their life.
Or quite simply, it may just make them smile for a moment.
