TALLAHASSEE, FL — Republican presidential candidate Ron DeSantis was seen last night waving around a joint in front of local police officers in a desperate attempt to get arrested and have a cool mugshot just like Trump.
"How do you do, officer? A fine morning for a marijuana!" said DeSantis, lighting a joint. "Uh-oh, look at me! I've got one of those marijuana cigarette thingies, and I'm totally smoking it! Better break out the cuffs, officer!"
DeSantis proceeded to attempt taking a puff, then instantly collapsed in a coughing fit. "Cough -- cough -- terrible!" shouted DeSantis, doubled over. "Who would do this? Oh man. Wait - officer, does that still count as doing a marijuana??"
According to police, the officers confiscated the apparent joint and handed the Governor a bottle of water. "Sir, this isn't weed. These are lawn clippings," said Officer Ramon Gonzales, putting out the lit end. "Even if it was weed, for a first-time offender we would just tell you to put the dang thing out and go home to your family. I know you need the mugshot sir, but I'm sorry - you're going to have to do a lot better than this."
At publishing time, DeSantis was reportedly spotted at a Wendy's asking if the officer could arrest him for getting Sprite when he only asked for a cup of water.
In related news - Donald Trump was charged with "unprovoked aggression" - a capital offense in Georgia, for that menacing look in his mugshot. I mean, SCARY. Many sensitive people were triggered and a number of them pressed charges against Trump.
Trump went to social media and in his inimitable way, wrote: FAKE FAKE FAKE. I WASN'T READY FOR THEM TO TAKE MY PICTURE. THEY CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD. I AM NOOOOOT MENANCING. I AM A MAN OF LOVE WHO WILL "MAKE AMERICA LOVABLE AGAIN".
