Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Diary Entry #3 - Uneventful But Thought Provoking

I didn't leave the neighborhood today so it was quite uneventful. Real fundraisers go into midtown Manhattan into the offices of wealthy people and try to get them to do the great mitzva of tzdaka bi-hiddur rav. I guess am not a real fundraiser because I have almost never been invited into any person's office. There must be an art to it to which I am not privy....

The upside is that I got to sit and learn which makes everyone happy. Me because I am learning Torah which is the greatest mitzva ever. And the wealthy people so they have one less annoying guy trying to get a check out of them. 

Of course I am in big trouble because I am so deeply in debt and have so many future expenses and no job I have ever had has ever covered anything close to everything. So I will keep doing my basic hishtadlus and know that Hashem will do the rest. 

What comforts me is knowing how much frum people are spending on luxuries, vacations, resteraunts, extravagant simchas and many other things that I never spend on [nor have the interest in spending on - if I ever have money I have big plans and none of them involve pampering myself chas vi-shalom]. So the money is there. Hashem doesn't have to create it ex nihilo - יש מאין. It is just a matter of Him finding the right shalichim who will have the zchus.

I often think of the people in Shomayim who have been there for decades, hundreds of years and even thousands of years. What is left of their lives? NOTHING. Who remembers them?? NOBODY. What is happening with them? The more they gave - the more they get. For now and forever. 

It is actually a wonder. EVERYBODY knows they are going to die yet it doesn't move people to teshuva. Into their 80's and 90's, when they know how preciously little time they have left in this world, they are still involved in nonsense. Today it is Internet and the like. People who believe in Torah mi-sinai and keep Shabbos who have all of the time in the world on their hands, use it in order to watch another stupid movie or read yet another vulgar joke someone sent them. That same time could be used for another mishna and another perek in Tanach or super geshmak - another daf gemara bi-iyun, and instead it is being wasted away on complete silliness. הבל הבל הבל הבלים. Sometimes it is a ball game. Get a life. It is the same thing EVERY TIME. He threw the ball towards the basket - either it went in or it didn't. WHO CARES!!! But people watch that instead of doing something meaningful with their time. They could even be spending time with their children and grandchildren. Something. Such people who have money do everything they can to preserve it because that is all they have [or so they feel]. That is what gives them a feeling of importance and a sense of identity. They lose no sleep over the thought that others can't sleep because of their distress and they could be helping them but are not.

I really shouldn't judge because I had the gift of great Rabbeim and holy role models so I know better but it hurts to see it. They are not reading this diary entry and they would not listen even if I spoke to them because their behaviors are so deeply entrenched. 

NU - Chodesh Av is tomorrow night. We re-experience the churban. So many churbanos around us, so many broken souls and broken lives. Makes me want to cry. 

Good thing that I am a chossid and we must always be מלא שמחה.....