Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Friends And Chavrusos - Present And Past - The Tikkun Of Av

People are fascinating. I spend much time trying to figure them out but until you are someone, you don't completely know him...

Something that has happened to me with numerous people over the years: We became good friends, we were in touch, the relationship was flourishing and then BOOM - over. No warning and no explanation. All emails and phone calls went unanswered and I ceased to exist in their eyes. I have never done this to anyone. As a matter of fact I answer every phone call and every email. Not because I am such a good person. I am not. I am riddled with faults and imperfections. But because I have not yet mastered the fine art of wantonly ignoring another human being.

Gotta work on it. 

So the truth is that life goes on. If my wife pulled the same trick then I would be in trouble because having a spouse cut you out of her life is life changing. It requires finding a new place to live, tremendous expenses, court battles, fractured relationships with one's children and heartache from here to the gazoo [where ever that is] etc. etc. WE SHOULD NEVER KNOW. 

If it is anybody but one's wife then it is really not the biggest deal. But it does make me wonder time and again - what happened? Was it something I said? Is it the way I style my hair? Can't be - I don't style my hair. Just get a buzz mispar shtaim. Since I am not the type to say or do hurtful things it is hard for me to blame myself so I usually assume that it had more to do with the other person than with me. Same goes for all the chavrusas [and there are MANY] who have dumped me over the years. I can't imagine that I am such a bad chavrusa but out of the blue people just stop learning with me. No explanation. Nothing. Sometimes they don't even tell me. They just ignore me. 

Someone reading this might say that I [the writer] should take stock of himself and change because if I was the person I am supposed to be then nobody would do that to me - and you are right. I DO have to make a cheshbon ha-nefesh. It would help though if people would tip me on to what turned them away. That has yet to happen....

So in the meantime I thank G-d that I still have a wife who talks to me and many good friends. For all those former friends and chavrusas - one day I will find out why...

My job in this world is to increase ahava so I will attempt to continue if Hashem gives me the means and capacity. It is almost Tisha B'av - a time to mend fractured relationships which is the cause of our still destroyed Beis Hamikdash and the shechina which left us. 

So if I have ever offended anyone reading this in any way, I sincerely apologize and if you contact me and tell me so I hope to make amends.   

Bi-ahava rabba,

Me 