Sunday, August 21, 2016

Modern Technology And Marriages

Two posts ago I copied a teshuva about the usage of Facebbok. Since it is likely that many people saw all the Hebrew and didn't read further [it is, after all, a foreign language], I would like to highlight one point.  [That was a highlighted point:-)] The author, a noted dayan [because I am sure that when he learns he takes notes  - and he is a great talmid chochom to boot], noted that many divorce cases come to his beis din that resulted from Internet use. It is not only his beis din but batei din all over the world are seeing case after case that are a result of the Internet.

Is this another "Internet bashing post"?


It is important to remember that people are just people and the only way one can be sure that he [or she] will never be involved in a forbidden emotional and/or physical relationship is if Hashem is as real to a person as the computer in front of them. Since for most people Hashem is some abstract, far off entity that may or may not exist but it really doesn't matter right now [as the Zohar states, when the yetzer hara is activated the yetzer hatov is forgotten], it is not a remote possibility that "bad stuff" is going to happen. אין אפוטרופוס לעריות is the eternal clarion call of Chazal that rings so true in our days and always. "Bad stuff" can even be texting a female "acquaintance" when deep down [or not so deep down] the man is attracted to her and uses the text a a means of forming an "innocent" relationship. If nothing more develops then it is a subtle form of infidelity. If something more develops [which is often the case] then it is lights out for the marriage and tremendous pain will be caused to the cheated on spouse and innocent children. The only good that will come out of it is that the divorce lawyers will be able to pay all of that years tuition for their children with great ease and much to spare. 

There is a critical point here. When ONE JEW is behaving inappropriately it has a deletorious affect on all of Klal Yisrael. Rebbe Tzadok Hakohen explains that we are all rooted in the same Adam Harishon and when one of us is acting inappropriately then we are all going to suffer the consequences. That means that we are ALL adulterers to a certain degree [I didn't say that. Chas Vi-shalom! But Rebbe Tzadok Hakohen, Tzadik Yesod Olam did..]. The fact that there is one such person means that we are all afflicted because of our soul connection. 

Here is the passge inside: 


If we can't fix the world, then let us at least fix ourselves. And when we fix ourselves, we fix the world, as the gemara says - יחיד שעשה תשובה מוחלין לו ולכל העולם כולו. 

Based on Rebb Tzadok we can understand the many "al cheits" that we say throughout slichos. We are all guilty of all of them by association. 


For those who might complain that I address this issue too often my response is that this is what is destroying countless individuals and families and I believe that we must be constantly on guard because it can happen to any of us. So a daily reminder or three can only help. Twice a day [or three times if you say Shema before davening because otherwise you will miss the sof zman or if you say the full Shema Al Hamitah] we say ולא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם. That pasuk needs to be constantly repeated not only be a simple guy like me but by Gedolei Yisrael and Mekubalim. We may add ולא תתורו אחרי Internet arayos such as pornography or friends of the other gender. 

If anyone is thinking that I am extreme - I am. It is extremely horrible that people's lives and marriages fall apart so me must be extremely vigilant not to let it happen.