Over the years I have been asked to speak many times. Sometimes I am invited back and other times I am not. When some time passes and I don't hear from a place where I spoke, I begin to wonder "why are they not asking me to come back?? Is it because they didn't like me when I spoke last time or for other reasons??"
Then, being the amateur Talmudist that I strive unsuccessfully to be, I ask myself the following question [in a Talmudic sing-song]: "OK Al [that is one of many names I call myself], Li-mai nafka minah???" What is the difference "why" they are not inviting me back? If it is a matter of parnassa, in most places they follow the 1st amendment - "free speech". They rarely pay me anyway, so who cares!! How am I supposed to live and support my family? That is Hashem's problem, not theirs or even mine! And even if they did pay - why does it matter WHY they are not inviting me back?? That is the reality so accept it and move on buddy [I am a good buddy of myself so I call myself "buddy"]. So again - "Li-mai Nafka Minah"?
The answer is clear! Nafka Minah for my ego!! If they didn't like me then it is a shot to my fragile ego. If they liked me and aren't inviting me back for other reasons [there are other Jews on the planet who can give shiurim besides me....] - then my ego is cool.
Once I go THERE - everything melts. It is not about Hashem, spreading Torah, helping people etc. etc. etc. It is just ego. Like any professional athlete or entertainer, I am just worried about my own powerful, inborn, narcissistic tendencies.
AHHHH!!!
If so, then I can just DROP my concerns about why they want me back, because I was not created to inflate my ego. On the contrary - I was created to erase my ego and focus on others and the Ribbono Shel Olam.
Very often, if we would just realize how much about a given situation is about our ego and also accept that one MAJOR goal of life is to DEFLATE the ego and not the opposite - problem solved.
Many, many, many problems solved!😊😊
EGO = Edge G-d Out!
EGO = Edge G-d Out!
