לזכות אבי מורי ואמי מורתי, חי' יוכבד פייגע בת מיכל יהודית בתיה ותינוק בן אסתר מיכל בתוך שח"י.
"OH-BOY DID I GOOF"
Title of my unpublished and unwritten autobiography
SHAAAAAAAAAAAALOMMMM SWEEETEST FRIENDS!!!!
Are we expected to be perfect??
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! We are alllllllll fallible human beings. Except for the Pope whom the Catholics believe is infallible. But if he would only have a wife he would hear ALL THE TIME how very prone to error he is. FIND A SHIDDUCH FOR THE POPE!!! Take him out of his suffering!!! IT IS NOT GOOD FOR MAN TO BE ALONE!!!!
[This dvar Torah should also be a zchus for all of those sweet men and women who are looking for their other half!!!!]
We Yidden don't believe in Popes. We believe in One infallible Being while the rest of us make mistakes with alarming frequency. But no. It is not alarming at all. We are SUPPOSED to make mistakes. Chazal tell us that Teshuva was created before the world was created. Meaning, that it was all preordained to man would MESS UP!!! It is built into creation.
A prisoner is put to death row.
A guard is tasked with operating the electric chair on a prisoner. He tries to lighten the mood by telling a joke to the prisoner, then he flips the switch.
The prisoner survives the shocks, and guard wonders what went wrong.
"Your joke had a decent premise," says the prisoner. "But the execution was flawed."
This week we read about Yehuda who did something that he shouldn't have done with Tamar. He thought that she was guilty of immorality and decreed that she should receive the death penalty. We take morality VERY SERIOUSLY!!! In the end, she subtly brought it to Yehuda's attention that he was the perpetrator of this act. She didn't intend to do anything immoral but merely wanted to have children from Yehuda - as per Rashi [and this was before the giving of the Torah and she was a single woman so it was permitted. Why Yehuda originally decreed that she should receive the death penalty is a HUUUUGE discussion that is beyond the scope of this email. See Rashi, Ramban, Rashbam, Chavatzeles HaSharon Parshas Vayeishev, Di Be'er Bereishis from page 262, Vayikra page 294, Kehillos Yaakov Kiddushin pages 175-176 and much much more!!].
What was Yehuda's immediate reaction? צדקה ממני!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is right!! I am wrong!!!! WOW!!! Instead of finding ways to justify himself he admitted fault.
How big a deal is this? So big that Chazal say that in the merit of admitting his guilt he merited to be king!! Why? B/c a person with a big ego can't admit fault and weakness.
SHAAAAAAAAAAAALOMMMM SWEEETEST FRIENDS!!!!
Are we expected to be perfect??
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! We are alllllllll fallible human beings. Except for the Pope whom the Catholics believe is infallible. But if he would only have a wife he would hear ALL THE TIME how very prone to error he is. FIND A SHIDDUCH FOR THE POPE!!! Take him out of his suffering!!! IT IS NOT GOOD FOR MAN TO BE ALONE!!!!
[This dvar Torah should also be a zchus for all of those sweet men and women who are looking for their other half!!!!]We Yidden don't believe in Popes. We believe in One infallible Being while the rest of us make mistakes with alarming frequency. But no. It is not alarming at all. We are SUPPOSED to make mistakes. Chazal tell us that Teshuva was created before the world was created. Meaning, that it was all preordained to man would MESS UP!!! It is built into creation.
A prisoner is put to death row.
A guard is tasked with operating the electric chair on a prisoner. He tries to lighten the mood by telling a joke to the prisoner, then he flips the switch.
The prisoner survives the shocks, and guard wonders what went wrong.
"Your joke had a decent premise," says the prisoner. "But the execution was flawed."
This week we read about Yehuda who did something that he shouldn't have done with Tamar. He thought that she was guilty of immorality and decreed that she should receive the death penalty. We take morality VERY SERIOUSLY!!! In the end, she subtly brought it to Yehuda's attention that he was the perpetrator of this act. She didn't intend to do anything immoral but merely wanted to have children from Yehuda - as per Rashi [and this was before the giving of the Torah and she was a single woman so it was permitted. Why Yehuda originally decreed that she should receive the death penalty is a HUUUUGE discussion that is beyond the scope of this email. See Rashi, Ramban, Rashbam, Chavatzeles HaSharon Parshas Vayeishev, Di Be'er Bereishis from page 262, Vayikra page 294, Kehillos Yaakov Kiddushin pages 175-176 and much much more!!].
What was Yehuda's immediate reaction? צדקה ממני!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is right!! I am wrong!!!! WOW!!! Instead of finding ways to justify himself he admitted fault.
How big a deal is this? So big that Chazal say that in the merit of admitting his guilt he merited to be king!! Why? B/c a person with a big ego can't admit fault and weakness.
Speaking of weakness:
Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness?
Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics
Interviewer: Could you give me an example?
Me: Yes I could.
Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness?
Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics
Interviewer: Could you give me an example?
Me: Yes I could.
He always has to be right. We need kings [and presidents and governors and mayors etc. etc.] who aren't looking to soothe and pacify their egos but those who can admit fault. That comes from humility. To be humble means to be a truth seeker even when the truth hurts. And who was Yehuda's descendant? Dovid HaMelech who also admitted wrongdoing IMMEDIATELY. Nosson HaNavi tells him that he had been wrong in his relationship with Bas Sheva and what is Dovid's reaction "'חטאתי לה". That is Moshiach-dik. "אני לא בסדר" is bi-gimatria Moshiach. Only one who can say that he is "לא בסדר" - he acted improperly, can be Moshiach.
We all want to feel good about ourselves. That is healthy and normal. The problem is that people think that in order to feel good about themselves they have to be right. But the opposite is true. To admit your weaknesses, inconsistencies, inadequacies, faults and shortcomings make you AWESOME!!! It means that you have a healthy sense of self. It means that your self image is based more on reality and less on fantasy. It means you can love yourself even though you realize how imperfect you are. It means realizing that people who acknowledge their flaws are much closer to perfection than those who don't!!
What is an amputee boxer's greatest weakness?
His inability to walk away from a fight.
We need such leaders. We need politicians who openly admit how flawed they are, how many times they have been wrong, how very human and frail they are!!! Chazal say that such people make the BEST leaders, not the guys who parade around trying to convince everyone how perfect they are and that if you would only vote for them all of your problems would be solved.
A politician was a guest speaker at the golf club dinner. As the politician stood up to speak, a few of the men saw it as an opportunity to sneak off to the bar. An hour later, with the politician still talking, another man joined them. “Is he still talking?” they asked him. “Yes,” the other man answered. “What on Earth is he talking about?”
“I don’t know. He’s still introducing himself.”
So we are not politicians. But we are all leaders. We all have people who look up to us and we impact them. It might be our children, or siblings, or friends or work colleagues or spouses. The best way to model leadership behavior is to readily admit fault. Remind yourself that you are AWESOME no matter what and much more awesome when you admit your faults. You can love yourself with all of your imperfections and then love others when you see imperfection in them. The uncritical attitude carries over to others. But people who are unfailingly self critical also relate to others that way and that is NOT HEALTHY!!! Not for body and not for soul!!!
May we all internalize this AMAZING lesson and thereby mend fractured and frayed relationships and strengthen positive ones. We can tell our children how imperfect we are and readily apologize when we make mistakes. The same for a spouse. It is so BRAVE and a true sign of emotional health. [I know a woman who has been married for over 5 decades. She once told me that her husband has NEVER been wrong ONCE since they got married. At least he never admitted it....]
This leads us into Chanukah which is a holiday of ..... "הודאה". That means to THANK and to ADMIT. Both are expressions of humility. "Thank you" means that I admit that I needed you and couldn't have done it w/o you. [See Pachad Yitzchak on Chanukah page 32 and Siddur Olas Riiyah of the Rav ztz"l on Modeh Ani].
May we merit to be true "יהודים" who know the secret of הודאה!!!!
A Shabbos of bliss to all of my BELOVED friends!!
We all want to feel good about ourselves. That is healthy and normal. The problem is that people think that in order to feel good about themselves they have to be right. But the opposite is true. To admit your weaknesses, inconsistencies, inadequacies, faults and shortcomings make you AWESOME!!! It means that you have a healthy sense of self. It means that your self image is based more on reality and less on fantasy. It means you can love yourself even though you realize how imperfect you are. It means realizing that people who acknowledge their flaws are much closer to perfection than those who don't!!
What is an amputee boxer's greatest weakness?
His inability to walk away from a fight.
We need such leaders. We need politicians who openly admit how flawed they are, how many times they have been wrong, how very human and frail they are!!! Chazal say that such people make the BEST leaders, not the guys who parade around trying to convince everyone how perfect they are and that if you would only vote for them all of your problems would be solved.
A politician was a guest speaker at the golf club dinner. As the politician stood up to speak, a few of the men saw it as an opportunity to sneak off to the bar. An hour later, with the politician still talking, another man joined them. “Is he still talking?” they asked him. “Yes,” the other man answered. “What on Earth is he talking about?”
“I don’t know. He’s still introducing himself.”
So we are not politicians. But we are all leaders. We all have people who look up to us and we impact them. It might be our children, or siblings, or friends or work colleagues or spouses. The best way to model leadership behavior is to readily admit fault. Remind yourself that you are AWESOME no matter what and much more awesome when you admit your faults. You can love yourself with all of your imperfections and then love others when you see imperfection in them. The uncritical attitude carries over to others. But people who are unfailingly self critical also relate to others that way and that is NOT HEALTHY!!! Not for body and not for soul!!!
May we all internalize this AMAZING lesson and thereby mend fractured and frayed relationships and strengthen positive ones. We can tell our children how imperfect we are and readily apologize when we make mistakes. The same for a spouse. It is so BRAVE and a true sign of emotional health. [I know a woman who has been married for over 5 decades. She once told me that her husband has NEVER been wrong ONCE since they got married. At least he never admitted it....]
This leads us into Chanukah which is a holiday of ..... "הודאה". That means to THANK and to ADMIT. Both are expressions of humility. "Thank you" means that I admit that I needed you and couldn't have done it w/o you. [See Pachad Yitzchak on Chanukah page 32 and Siddur Olas Riiyah of the Rav ztz"l on Modeh Ani].
May we merit to be true "יהודים" who know the secret of הודאה!!!!
A Shabbos of bliss to all of my BELOVED friends!!
