Chapter I
And it came to pass in the third year of the reign of Achashverosh,
King of Persia, that the King threw a great party. And it was during
that party, that the King became intoxicated [normally the king didn't
drink but he made an exception for Purim and Simchas Torah] and called
for his wife Vashti to come appear naked in front of the guests. Now,
Vashti was a liberated woman, and was not at all ashamed to display her
body in public ("my body, my choice," she used to say). But she was
certainly not going to do so at the behest of a male chauvinist like her
husband. So she refused to appear, and the following morning, in
addition to a major hangover, Achashverosh had one royal-size colossal
sexual harassment suit waiting for him. Public opinion quickly turned
against the King, tweets against him were flying around like crazy, he
was bashed on CNN [who were originally biased in his favor because he
and Ted Turner had been old high school buddies - later it was revealed that what Achashveirosh did was nothing compared to the stuff the chevre at CNN was up to] and he settled out of court for an undisclosed sum of money. Some sources say
that it was for 20 million dollars. The King reportedly said that with
his billions - who cares! His lawyer Ben Brafman told our sources that Achashveirosh was completely innocent and that Vashti was a strong BDS supporter who hates men and Jews. In Orthodox Jewish circles we don't ask our wives to appear immodestly. Heck - we don't even print pictures of women in our magazines and newspapers. But among the Idolatrous Persians it is acceptable and Achshveirosh had only good intentions.
Alan Dershowitz was interviewed on 23 podcasts and 15 news stations defended the King and said that it was unlawful what
Vashti had done but vehemently denied any personal wrongdoing connected
to his friendship to Jeffrey Epstein. He said it was pure Anti Semitism
and that we need more Chutzpah
to fight unfounded rumors. He is TOTALLY makpid on Shmiras Einyaim. "I
might not keep all 613 commandments but I keep the one's I agree with. I
grew up in Boro Park and have nephews who learn in Yeshivas Chevron!! I decry any Lashon Hara against King Achashveirosh and against me. I am the greatest lawyer who ever lived. I am to law what Muhammad Ali [a good friend of mine] was to boxing."
CNN interviewed the King [on "Larry King Live"] and he denied the
whole thing. He said "FAKE NEWS. I did not ask 'that woman' to appear
naked in front of everybody. [An apparent shtuch at Bill Clinton who was
unavailable for comment]. I merely wanted her to come and enjoy the
party with everyone else. I felt that it was discriminatory that men and
women have separate parties. What is this? Bnei Brak??? Women are equal citizens and deserve the
same rights as men. I wanted her to come and celebrate equality. Or equity. Or whatever they call it today".
Later, a video of the event was leaked by one of Achashveirosh's
advisors, proving that Vashti had in fact been called to appear naked. A
commission was appointed to find out who leaked the video and if found,
he will be fired. Achashveirosh again appeared on CNN and admitted that
he had not been "one hundred percent truthful" and had in fact insisted
that Vashti appear naked but that was only because he believed that the
patriarchal society is oppressing women by insisting that they get
dressed. True liberation, insisted Achashveirosh, will only come when
women are allowed to be their true selves without having to cover
themselves up as if they have something to hide. Dershowitz agreed while
maintaining that Achashveirosh was innocent.
He was later interviewed by Fox News where he insisted that the first
interview with CNN had been tampered with to make him look bad. "They
are a bunch of losers", he insisted. "Fake news. No. Total fake news.
They are EVIL PEOPLE. They don't deserve to be in journalism. Lyin' CNN.
Low energy people." [Donald Trump has a family tree going back all the way to Achashveirosh!!!].
He then fired most of his staff. Other members quit. Bob Woodward is writing a book about the inner workings of the administration. Achashveirosh's niece has written a book claiming that as a child he gave her used shoes as a b-day present. An anonymous former staffer has also written a book.
Everybody who can is trying to make a buck off this.
