We think we know other people.The reality is that we don't know anybody. The real person is inside - not their external form. Are we aware of everything another person does? No [unless maybe we stalk them obsessively, and even then there is still an entire lifetime before that where we didn't know what this person was up to]. Do we know the thousands of thoughts that go through a person's head every day? Not even close. Do we know how he truly feels? Never. The only person who feelings we feel is our own. Everyone else is a mystery. So how can we judge and evaluate others??? People are COMPLEXXXXX!!!!
People make shidduch inquiries but it is important to remember that even if the person they are asking is trying to be truthful - there is so much that they don't know about the subject.
Resumes [job and shidduch] might reveal some external features of the person [where they lived and studied etc.] but never the actual person.
To take this idea a step further - we don't even know ourselves. People go to therapy for years and are always learning new things about themselves and there is always more to learn, Our souls come from a place of infinity and how can we claim to plumb the depths of infinity in our finite world with our finite abilities? We don't even truly know ourselves. [Just today I made a STARTLING revelation about myself. I am 51].
We certainly can't claim to know an an entire people. Each nation has certain unique characteristics [Swiss people are on time, Americans like sports and fast food etc.], but the true character of an entire nations eludes us.
Our assessments are part reality and mostly imagination and speculation.
Mussar Haskel: Be humble and slow to judge. Know that any necessary judgment rendered [at times we must judge others] we be flawed and inadequate. "Only the Lord knows".
Writes the Rav ztz"l:
את
האופי העצמי אי אפשר לשום אדם לדעת, אפילו של עצמו, וקל וחומר של זולתו, לא של
יחיד, וקל וחומר של אומה. אנו הולכים סביב להמרכז של הידיעה, עסוקים אנו בהשערות
ובאומדנות, לכוין על פי המעשים הגלוים, שגם נסתרים ברובם ממנו, וביחוד סיבותיהם
המסובכות, ועל פי תעודות כאלו מדברים אנו על דבר אופי מיוחד ונשמה מובדלה. מוכרחים
אנו להחליט, שידיעתנו בזה תלויה היא על בלימה, והמשפט לאלהים [ג' שנ"ב].
