"Killing starts at home," said an unusually passionate Pentagon Spokesman John Kirby to reporters. "If we can convince our women in uniform to kill their own beautiful, pure, innocent children, there's no limit to who they will kill for the United States Government."
Kirby launched an impassioned defense of abortion funding for service members and their families on Monday, pounding the podium of the White House press briefing room as he called military access to abortion a "foundational, sacred obligation. A G-d given, sacrosanct right, enshrined by the Bible itself," said Kirby, with the enthusiasm of an Evangelical preacher, galvanizing the faithful. "Just imagine what would have happened if Mary had aborted Jesus. I wouldn't have had to miss so many Sunday football pregame shows because I was at church."
This exchange occurred when Kirby was asked by a reporter during the daily White House press briefing about the Pentagon's controversial policy for it to use taxpayer funds to reimburse the cost of travel and care related to abortions. Kirby explained that this was "critical to military readiness."
He described meeting an all female group of service members and spouses who he said told him that abortion restrictions being passed in states across the country were "absolutely having an effect on their willingness to continue serving in uniform or to encourage or discourage, in this case, their spouses from continuing service. If you won't pay for us to kill the babies we produced - you can forget about us serving you."
"So if you don't think there's going to be a retention and a morale issue, think again, because it's already having that effect," Kirby said, adding that he has a son and son-in-law currently serving in the Navy who love serving, but don't get to serve where they choose and have to follow orders on where to go and what to do. "They would LIKE their wives to get pregnant and have an abortion but are afraid that they won't be allowed to do so."
"You go where you're told. That's the way orders work. You go where you're assigned. You don't get to choose. And so what happens if you get assigned to a state like Alabama, which has a pretty restrictive abortion law in place, and you're concerned about your reproductive care, what do you do? Do you say no and get out?" he said.
"Our policies, whether they're diversity, inclusion, and equity or whether they're about transgender individuals who qualify physically and mentally, deserve to be able to [serve] with dignity. Or whether it's about female service members – one in five – or female family members being able to count on the kinds of health care and reproductive care specifically that they need to serve," Kirby said.
Sources confirmed that female service members will be actively encouraged to kill their own offspring on the taxpayer's dime whenever possible. Women with the most abortions will be awarded with commendations, ribbons, and medals to recognize their willingness to murder babies for their country.
"If we train soldiers to kill babies in America, they will be much better equipped to kill babies in Lebanon, Yemen, or wherever. That's what it's all about!" said Kirby. "U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"
This exchange occurred when Kirby was asked by a reporter during the daily White House press briefing about the Pentagon's controversial policy for it to use taxpayer funds to reimburse the cost of travel and care related to abortions. Kirby explained that this was "critical to military readiness."
He described meeting an all female group of service members and spouses who he said told him that abortion restrictions being passed in states across the country were "absolutely having an effect on their willingness to continue serving in uniform or to encourage or discourage, in this case, their spouses from continuing service. If you won't pay for us to kill the babies we produced - you can forget about us serving you."
"So if you don't think there's going to be a retention and a morale issue, think again, because it's already having that effect," Kirby said, adding that he has a son and son-in-law currently serving in the Navy who love serving, but don't get to serve where they choose and have to follow orders on where to go and what to do. "They would LIKE their wives to get pregnant and have an abortion but are afraid that they won't be allowed to do so."
"You go where you're told. That's the way orders work. You go where you're assigned. You don't get to choose. And so what happens if you get assigned to a state like Alabama, which has a pretty restrictive abortion law in place, and you're concerned about your reproductive care, what do you do? Do you say no and get out?" he said.
"Our policies, whether they're diversity, inclusion, and equity or whether they're about transgender individuals who qualify physically and mentally, deserve to be able to [serve] with dignity. Or whether it's about female service members – one in five – or female family members being able to count on the kinds of health care and reproductive care specifically that they need to serve," Kirby said.
Sources confirmed that female service members will be actively encouraged to kill their own offspring on the taxpayer's dime whenever possible. Women with the most abortions will be awarded with commendations, ribbons, and medals to recognize their willingness to murder babies for their country.
"If we train soldiers to kill babies in America, they will be much better equipped to kill babies in Lebanon, Yemen, or wherever. That's what it's all about!" said Kirby. "U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"
"This is a critical part of their training."
At publishing time, President Biden reaffirmed the Pentagon's position, saying that killing America's babies was absolutely necessary in order to protect them. "It is all part of reproductive health care. This is how we care for the health of our country - by killing their babies upon request. Have you ever met a dead person who was unhealthy?? Of course not, dude. So by encouraging abortions, we are ensuring the health of these babies. When I was Governer of Texas I passed legislation that enabled active reproductive care for women and their babies and as President of Congo, I will not stop!!!"
At publishing time, President Biden reaffirmed the Pentagon's position, saying that killing America's babies was absolutely necessary in order to protect them. "It is all part of reproductive health care. This is how we care for the health of our country - by killing their babies upon request. Have you ever met a dead person who was unhealthy?? Of course not, dude. So by encouraging abortions, we are ensuring the health of these babies. When I was Governer of Texas I passed legislation that enabled active reproductive care for women and their babies and as President of Congo, I will not stop!!!"
The millions of babies killed yearly were unfortunately unavailable for comment.
