לזכות אליהו בן שרה לזיווג הגון
Some people are massive Baalei Tzdaka - except when it comes to family members. Their adult children or siblings or other close relatives struggle and they don't give them anything [or give very little] while to complete strangers they give large amounts. There are quite a few people like that. Believe or not.
Other people are very generous when it comes to family members but not when it comes to other Jews. So they will give their children hundreds of thousands of dollars in order to help them buy homes but when someone collects in shul or comes to their home collecting in order to help marry off their own child they will give nothing or maybe five dollars.
Here is the CORRECT Torah-dike way: First and foremost family. But not exclusively. Because we are all family.
As the Rambam beautifully formulates it:
לְעוֹלָם אֵין אָדָם מַעֲנִי מִן הַצְּדָקָה וְאֵין דָּבָר רַע וְלֹא הֶזֵּק נִגְלָל בִּשְׁבִיל הַצְּדָקָה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ישעיה לב יז) "וְהָיָה מַעֲשֵׂה הַצְּדָקָה שָׁלוֹם." כָּל הַמְרַחֵם מְרַחֲמִין עָלָיו שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (דברים יג יח) "וְנָתַן לְךָ רַחֲמִים וְרִחַמְךָ וְהִרְבֶּךָ". וְכָל מִי שֶׁהוּא אַכְזָרִי וְאֵינוֹ מְרַחֵם יֵשׁ לָחוּשׁ לְיַחֲסוֹ. שֶׁאֵין הָאַכְזָרִיּוּת מְצוּיָה אֶלָּא בְּעַכּוּ''ם שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ירמיה נ מב) "אַכְזָרִי הֵמָּה וְלֹא יְרַחֵמוּ". וְכָל יִשְׂרָאֵל וְהַנִּלְוֶה עֲלֵיהֶם כְּאַחִים הֵם שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (דברים יד א) "בָּנִים אַתֶּם לַה' אֱלֹהֵיכֶם" וְאִם לֹא יְרַחֵם הָאָח עַל הָאָח מִי יְרַחֵם עָלָיו. וּלְמִי עֲנִיֵּי יִשְׂרָאֵל נוֹשְׂאִין עֵינֵיהֶן. הֲלְעַכּוּ''ם שֶׁשּׂוֹנְאִין אוֹתָן וְרוֹדְפִים אַחֲרֵיהֶן. הָא אֵין עֵינֵיהֶן תְּלוּיוֹת אֶלָּא לַאֲחֵיהֶן: [מתנות עניים י-ב]
A person will never become impoverished from giving charity. No harm nor damage will ever be caused because of charity, as it states: "And the deed of charity is peace." Everyone who is merciful evokes mercy from others, as it states: "And He shall grant you mercy and shower mercy upon you and multiply you." Whenever a person is cruel and does not show mercy, his lineage is suspect, for cruelty is found only among the gentiles, as it states: "They are cruel and will not show mercy."
The entire Jewish people and all those who attach themselves to them are as brothers, as it states: "You are children unto God your Lord." And if a brother will not show mercy to a brother, who will show mercy to them? To whom do the poor of Israel lift up their eyes? To the gentiles who hate them and pursue them? Behold their eyes are pointed to their brethren alone.
