WASHINGTON, D.C. — With Democratic Senator Bob Menendez facing charges of bribery, President Biden weighed in this morning, condemning the Senator for accepting his bribes in bars of gold rather than fungible assets laundered through 20 shell companies.
"Gold? That's a real rookie move, Jack!" said Biden to reporters. "If you're gonna get rich off a bribe, you gotta have money wired to several different shell companies in Ukraine which will then launder the money and wire it to your son in exchange for a painting, who will then buy some expensive items, and give you your cut. Come on, man! This ain't rocket surgery! Don't they launder money in Mexico or wherever this Menendez guy is from?"
Sources say suspicions around Menendez first arose when he started trying to pay for bags of chips in the Capitol cafeteria with gold doubloons.
Federal investigators confirmed Menendez is now facing several serious charges of receiving bribes in an overly obvious way while not being a member of the Biden family. "We will pursue these charges to the best of our ability," said Attorney General Merrick Garland. "Fortunately, Menendez is the only politician in Washington who has ever received a bribe, so we believe this problem is now contained."
At publishing time, Hunter Biden had been seen by witnesses desperately trying to pawn off a wheelbarrow full of gold at a corner pawn shop in DC.
Menendez explained the the half a million dollars in cash found in his house was from the charity plate in his local church where it is his job to give the money out to the poor.
The brand new Mercedes Benz was acquired with money he has been saving in his little piggy bank from age 7.
All of the gold? He explained that as a good citizen he was helping the sanitation workers clean out the garbage bins and found them. He put an ad in the paper asking the owner to come forward and he will promptly return the gold.
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Mussar Haskel: THIS can be the year that we conquer our excessive love of money [if we are afflicted with this illness]. It brought Menendez down as it has brought down countless millions before him. Money is a means - not an end. It is a means to serve Hashem. EVERY PENNY should be spent with that attitude.
