A very popular "Orthodox" podcast offers a list of sources related to each podcast. In a recent one on "infidelity" [which I didn't listen to. I don't want to hear about זנות. I want to hear about Kedusha 😊😊], one of the books suggested to Jewish and frum listenership was Esther Perel's "The State Of Affairs - Rethinking Infidelity". That grabbed my attention. We don't need to "rethink infidelity". It is a churban on many different levels. Now, Esther Perel is very Jewish and extremely not religious. So I checked a review of the book to see what she says in order to "enhance" marriages, despite affairs.
Here it is:
Esther notes that there is often a high level of discomfort in even mentioning sexually open relationships: “We fear that transgressing one limit leads to the potential breach of all limits” (p.231), that if we loosen our grip on monogamy even slightly, it could unravel our relationship.
Non-monogamy and open relationships are certainly not a buffer against betrayal.
Affairs can occur, even in situations where non-monogamy between partners are negotiated. But, Esther also ponders whether love can be plural? Is there room to consider a less dogmatic, black and white view of fidelity, to navigating relationships along the monogamy continuum? [גילוי עריות!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
For some couples the idea of including an ‘other’ is titillating enough, without entertaining the reality of it. For those who consider it, consensual monogamy means that “both partners have equal say in the decision to take unfulfilled hankerings elsewhere”, whereas in affairs it is a unilateral decision (p.229). She also appeals that “rather than penalize those who fail monogamy’s standardized test, we should recognize that the test is disproportionately difficult” (p.266).
With all the demands that modern romance places on long-term relationships, Esther believes we need a new model for marriage:
“We’re quick to blame infidelity for the breakdown of relationships, but perhaps the more destructive factor in many cases is a dogged insistence on sexual exclusivity at all costs. Maybe some of these couples would still be together had they been willing to address their different sexual needs and what these might mean for the structure of their marriage” (p.230).
To put it bluntly: As long as both sides agree - adultery might be the answer!!!
Thank you Esther for your holy and morally fulfilling prescription for marriage!!!
Sickening and nauseating.
So we will forgive Esther - she has been taken captive by western immorality. She has no G-d and thus everything goes. But a rabbi and educator who is listened to and read by tens of thousands should know better than to recommend her books. [There is another one on the list.] Maybe he doesn't know what she says [so why did he recommend her books?]. Either way - beware of things on line that could distance you from what you were put on earth to accomplish.
Here I censor myself from saying more....
