A] The medium of the blog is the internet. The internet is filled with nonsense in a good case scenario and the depths of moral depravity in a worst case scenario.
B] My time is limited. Hashem never signed a contract guaranteeing me anything. I am here today but don't know if I will be here tomorrow. There is an opinion in the gemara that Hashem judges us every second. At the end of days I am going to have to account for every second of life I was granted. "Elchanan ben Henna Miriam", the heavenly court will proclaim, "did you waste time? You are a chossid of the Chiddushei HaRim who said that the sin of wasting time is worse than the sin of having relations with an אשת איש". Maybe, I ask myself, I should be writing more chiddushim on gemara and not about women who were turned off to yiddishkeit because of a detour or about vilde chayas dressed as religious Jews.
C] I am coming from a certain milieu [whatever THAT means and if I spelled it write:-)]. I live in the holiest place in the world and really have nothing else going on in my life besides learning and davening. I am quite detached [and try my best to remain that way] from the outside world. I am not interested in sports, politics or entertainment [unless you consider the sfas emes entertainment. I do]. Some people are immersed in the secular world and I feel that my message might be lost on them. They are coming from a completely different place. I am bi'shitta, on principle, ultra ultra orthodox - meaning that I believe, as it was put by a well known figure in the Conservative movement [ironically] "If G-d is not of supreme importance, He is of no importance." אין עוד מלבדו - My goal is that NOTHING should matter but the will of Hashem. Of course I am a million miles away but that's where my eyes are set. Other people don't exactly view life that way. They are religious but they have other things in their life as well. "Religion" isn't everything, they say. Be normal. I also believe that "religion" isn't everything - but the Torah is a Toras Chaim and not just a religion.
D] I am not sufficiently gifted a writer to completely convey my thoughts and feelings. When they were trying to teach me English in my abbreviated high school career [followed by 24 years in Yeshiva where they don't exactly have English class] I was trying very hard not to pay attention. I must admit, and hope you don't find me a braggart, that I was successful. Even if I were a super gifted writer, there are some things words can't convey. Sometimes I try to tell my kids how much I love them but find it impossible. I don't just love them. They are part of the deepest part of my soul and would gladly die a hundred deaths for them. Words are often poor expressions for feelings, experiences and values.
Values must be LIVED. Try to explain to a non-frum jew what Shabbos is. Shabbos can't be explained. Shabbos must be lived. Taharas Hamishpacha doesn't sound like fun but when one lives it right it is nothing less than sublime. Gemara study doesn't seem so stimulating - aramiac language, foreign concepts, no punctuation. But if a person learns properly, מעין עולם הבא - limitless bliss. טעמו וראו כי טוב השם - Hashem must be tasted.
Being a chossid of a Holy Rebbe is indescribable and anyone who is on the outside simply can't understand. I hear people describing what chasidus is but they are OFF because their knowledge comes from books or observing as an outsider but not by living it.
I try to talk about emotional issues on the blog but I feel that many are detached from a true understanding of emotion. Our educational system is designed to IGNORE the area of our life far more important than scholastic achievement. So people go through life missing out on such deep experiences and have many shallow relationships. Emotion is not on the educational map. But trigonometry is. Do you ever use that?
So why do I keep writing??
A] It's free and a Yid likes a good bargain [that was faceeeetious:-)].
B] The real reason is that I have received a ton of positive feedback. There ARE people who are on the level to absorb the messages. In my previous life [when I officially taught at various post high school institutions] I suffered from many who were resistant to my messages but on the blog I have discovered many many quality people who are baalei madreiga and bnei and bnos aliyah. People who are intelligent and strive for spiritually meaningful lives. People who want to GROW and CHANGE. I write for such people and find it tremendously gratifying and the ideal way to utilize my time. If something I write makes a person daven with a little more kavana, love his/her wife/husband or friend a bit more, learn more Torah or have a bit more simcha [what on earth does that song MEAN??] - then all of my labors are worth it.
The bottom line is that reading is not enough. One has to live and taste Hakadosh Baruch. Live a life of kedusha in all areas, go deeeeep into the Torah, do favors whenever possible, thiiiink about the meaning of life, scrutinize your actions, make sure you are spiritually upward mobile and you will be duly rewarded - right here in this world.
With much love and hope for continued connection in the deepest way, I remain humbly yours.
:-)
