Don't Confuse The Issues

Three true stories about completely fictional characters.

1] Sara Rivka [known in her earlier days as Shannon] returned from her second year in seminary "Bnois Frommois" in Yerushalayim. She helps her mother prepare for Shabbos and her mother notices her scrubbing each piece of lettuce for 15 minutes. The she looks at the lettuce in the light, see no insects and "just in case" scrubs for another five minutes. When the lettuce is served she doesn't eat it. You never know, maybe I missed a bug, she reasons. Each flying insect, she was taught, is six "lavim" which is an aramaic word having nothing to do with relationships but meaning Torah prohibitions. You can never be too careful.

2] Yitzchok Dovid [known on the high school basketball team as "Big Zak"] returns to his Long Island home from his shana bet at yeshivas "Reishit Tzion" in Har Nof. He learned the halachos of washing negel vaser in yeshiva. Some opinions say 3 times on each hand, others are machmir and say 4 times for each hand.

Yitzchok Dovid washes each hand 150 times.

After New York City declares a drought because all of the water in the city has been used for Yitzchok Dovid's negel vaser, his father suggests that they go to the local Rav to ask if it is necessary to wash so many times. He refuses. Maybe he missed a spot the first few times so he HAS to be sure he did it right. Otherwise he can't daven, learn or even get dressed. It doesn't matter what the rabbi says. Anyway the rabbi is modern orthodox so who cares. Plus, he doesn't have a beard. What does he know...

3] Daniel Aharon [known as Danny on the hockey team] learned in beis medrash for six years after high school. He is set up with Chavi and everything proceeds along smoothly. After getting married they settle into a pleasant kollel life. Then something strange starts happening. This seemingly timid boy starts having outbursts at his wife for religious infractions. He forces her to go back to the mikvah to immerse herself numerous times. He cuts some of her dresses up with scissors claiming that they are a breach of tzniyus. He doesn't let her leave the house [citing the Rambam of course]. He even strikes her when she accidentally put a milchig spoon in the flieshig drawer. He calls her affectionate names like "shiksa" and "prutza" when she dresses up for a simcha. Chavi, I must note is a VERY tzanua women. Everything she wears is within the letter and the spirit of the law. She can't understand her husbands behavior. But since he is the talmid chochom in the house and his rabbeim sing his praises she assumes that he is right.

Four years and three children later Chavi has a nervous breakdown. She is presently in the psychiatric ward at Mount Sinai hospital and Daniel Aharon wonders why such a tzaddik like him [he?] deserves such a fate. It is CLEAR to him that it is a punishment from Hashem because of his wife's religious laxity. If only, he thinks, I would have been more careful to make sure she did things according to halacha.

Sweet friends - what is the common denominator of all three stories? Mental illness masked by religious piety. We often confuse the two and assume that the issue is about religion. All too often it isn't.

The solution then is not a Rav.

The solution is an experienced well trained .... psychiatrist.

I will leave it to the intelligence of my readers to extract from my examples to additional real life cases and look forward to receiving emails and hearing feedback.

מכל מלמדי השכלתי