I have never had talmidim or talmidos and when people say "Is he a talmid of yours?" I always deny it. Not because I am humble, just honest with my feelings. I feel like it puts the other person in a position of inferiority to me, that HE needs to learn from ME. Who do I think I am??? [SUPERRRRR AL!] But maybe G-d will give me strength, I will learn a tremendous amount of Torah and merit having talmidim [you can daven for Elchonon ben Henna Miriam:-)]. Also, I think a good talmid has to try to learn as much Torah from his Rebbe as possible and to my indescribable anguish I have encountered very few people who consistently come to learn from me. Whenever I had shiurim in the yeshiva or elsewhere, it seemed a rarity that the same boy would come three consecutive times [making it quite difficult to build upon previous shiurim]. Most boys would go supermarket shopping, one day this Rebbe, the next day a different Rebbe, because people like new. How unfortunate.... It is impossible to really absorb someones personality unless one is consistent and learning from a Rebbe is mostly about absorbing a LIVING TORAH. If it were just about information, then every Rebbe should go home. The shiurim of Rav Aharon Kotler and Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz are much better than anything he is saying [and if he were honest he'd admit it]. So a student can open up their sefarim and learn from there. The reason that it is not enough to do so is because those Rabbeim are no longer among the living.
I DO, however, have ideas about what it means to be a Rebbe, a mechanech. The gemara [end of first perek of kiddushin] strongly implies that a Rebbe must relate to a student as his very own child. MaRan HaRav Hutner explains that the reason is that the Torah was given by Hashem with love. The bracha about the giving of the Torah [said before shma] is אהבה רבה - great love. So the צורת הנתינה - the form of giving over the Torah, must be with love.
Another gemara [in the same neighborhood in kiddushin ...] says that when a Rebbe and talmid learn it must start as a war but ends with AHAVA. Meaning that the PURPOSE of the learning is not merely to absorb information, to know what one must pay if an ox kicked some pebbles and did damage but to bring to a state of LOVE between Rebbe and talmid.
So I ask myself, if a son goes away from home does his father ignore him and focus only on his other children? Of [shouldn't that word be spelled "uv"?] course not! He keeps in touch and constantly makes sure that all of his sons needs are taken care of, both in the physical and spiritual realm.
Now I get to the point. Many Rabbeim think that their job is to give shiur and then they go home. This is SOOOOO mistaken I have no words. What father gives a speech to his kids 3 times a week and otherwise has nothing to do with them? What father doesn't know his kids names, as some Rabbeim don't even know their talmidim's names. The most difficult question - How many Rabbeim keep in touch with their talmidim after they left the shiur? THAT is the litmus test if the Rebbe really loves the student or he is just part of the job. When a student is in the shiur OF COURSE the Rebbe should be concerned, that's part of his job. But what about after he leaves? I have been through the system and I can give you the number of the Rabbeim who made any effort to keep in touch long after I left their class and I felt really cared.
Zero.
What does that tell me? That I was part of their job. When I left - out of sight, out of mind. That is besides the teachers who made it clear to me that they didn't really care even when I was in their class. So of course this didn't push me off the derech, The Rambam writes in the Morech Nevuchim that a person who lives a completely physical life without a spiritual element is like a בהמה. Or worse. A בהמה doesn't know any better. Why would I want to be like a בהמה? Why would I want my life to be devoid of all meaning? Plus - it's emes. So I stayed frum and am trying to flip out more and more every day. [Just tonight I was screaming Aleinu when I left shul after maariv and that caused my son to go home crying out of embarrassment. I have to remember that I can be as crazy as I want but not at the expense of my kids feelings...] But it DID cause me distress.
As a young man I was very hurt. Now in my somewhat more mature state I take it with equanimity because I understand better. These well meaning people didn't fully grasp what it means to be a Rebbe. They thought it means only that you teach Torah. Unless of course you teach in a school for at risk kids [what school today doesn't have such kids...]. If the kids are "normal" and "emotionally stable" then they really don't need the Rebbe's love. The facts are that EVERYBODY needs love. The more he gets, the more the Torah will be absorbed. THAT is the צורת הנתינה.
Some Rabbeim, I came to understand, don't have the capacity to love talmidim. In simple English, THEY DON'T KNOW HOW. Getting smicha or a masters in education doesn't teach a person empathy, love, care, warmth and sensitivity. Getting smicha or a masters in education doesn't even mean that the person is a Talmid Chochom. It just means that he passed a few tests and wrote a few papers.
So what we need in ALL yeshivos are Rabbeim who are BOTH Talmidei Chachomim, live and breathe Torah and also are dedicated to loving their students for the duration of their lives, long after they left the shiur [see bava basra 8b about Reb Shmuel ben Shilas]. Are there such people out there? Probably but I don't think that it's the norm.
I have a few more things to say but I think I have been too חריף as it is [IF I get enough emails encouraging me to continue - I might]. My better [and smarter and many other things] half claims that my standards are too high. But I can only call the shots as I see it and I really believe that the TORAH has very high standards, as explicated in this thread [isn't a thread what we have in our clothing? Why did I write that?].
Sweet friends may we merit seeing and feeling that the Torah is about love. Love from Hashem, for Hashem and for one another.
Love and blessings:-)
