This Torah should be a zchus for the neshama of my relative R' Mordechai Gimpel ben R' Avraham Moshe z"l.
מוות וחיים ביד הלשון
Words are more treacherous and powerful than we think.
Jean Paul Sartre
Jean Paul Sartre
We know the story - there was a man named Elkanah who had 2 wives, Penina and Chana. Penina had children and Chana didn't have children. Penina would torment Chana. She would tell her about her cute children and the latest things they did. This made Chana feel even worse. Then something strange started happening. Hashem answered Chana's heartfelt tfillos and as she started having children, Penina's started dying. Finally when Penina was down to two children she asked Chana to intercede on her behalf and ask Hashem to save her remaining children which she did and the children remained alive.
We have to ask - Why would Penina torment her co-wife Chana. She was a good person! So Chazal took a penetrating look into Penina's soul and determined that her motivations were pure! לשם שמים נתכוונה. She wanted to get Chana to daven harder. So why, pray tell, was she so severely punished???
Comes Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz and SHAKES THE WORLD: Bein Adam la-chaveiro [interpersonal relationships] is FIRE and when you put your hand in fire you get burned - even if your motivations are pure. Yes, Penina meant well, but the road to ... is paved with good intentions. Her words hurt Chana enough that she davened really hard and merited children. But it didn't matter - she hurt another human being and she got burned. Rav Chaim proves this principle to be true from other gemaras but we will suffice with that example.
When a man gets married he must realize that he is walking in a minefield. If his wife is female she is SENSITIVE. Sometimes girls say "Maybe I'm being too sensitive". I say "No, you're being exactly what you were created to be - female." Sensitivity is wonderful - it makes for a great mother, nurturer, friend etc. etc. So if a husband says a half a word to hurt his wife he is sticking his hand in fire and fire burns regardless of his intentions. Any married guy reading has had experiences where he hurt his wife's feelings and he said "What did I say wrong?" But if her feelings are hurt there is a very heavy price to pay. In shomayim, the holy books teach, they primarily judge us based on the way we treated others. How careful must we be! הוי זהיר באונאת אשתו שמתוך שדמעתה קרובה אונאתה מצויה - Yevamos men - you have learned this gemara.
Children are also very sensitive. How easy it is to hurt their very delicate feelings. Just because they are children doesn't give us the right to mistreat them. On the contrary - it behooves us to be even more sensitive.
Some people say - "It's his fault, he shouldn't be offended by that." The Torah reasons differently. Responsibility that no feelings are hurt is in the hands of the speaker.
We also must keep what the Zohar says in mind. Just like a person is judged for every bad word he said, he is likewise taken to task for every good word he could have said but didn't.
Love and blessings!:-)
