Change The Default Pattern - Automatic Pilots - A Rib About Football - Rebbetzin Oprah - How Much Is A Housewife Worth

For the zchus of a refuah for Rav and Rebbetzin Feinstein who were in a car accident:

HaRav Sholom Reuven Ben Shima

Chava Sorah Bas Ita Devorah

Regarding this post: 

I am SOOOOO PLEASED that we have a PERFECT segway to discuss a topic that is so close to my heart. [My ribs are also close to my heart but in a different way. Did you hear about the guy who was playing football and broke some ribs? His girlfriend went to the supermarket and bought some spare ribs for him. Didn't help].

We are almost WIRED to be critical. I watch parents "parent". It goes like this: Don't touch that, don't go there, stop doing that, how come you haven't ..yet, be quiet etc. etc. etc. What is that ALL ABOUT? We criticize and criticize AND DON'T EVEN REALIZE HOW MUCH WE ARE CRITICIZING. Our poor children! [It wasn't so long ago that WE were the poor children:-). Incidentally, I LOVE reveling my kids with stories of how poor I was growing up. We were SOOOOO poor that .... we couldn't afford to buy food for Pesach so we had to go to Miami Beach. My parents couldn't feed me for the whole summer so they had to send me to camp where they could feed me etc. and stories like that. I lived only seconds away from homeless people sleeping in Central Park - because I lived on Central Park West. BOY were times tough. Plus, for years we didn't even have a home computer or cell phones (this was the 70's, get it?)].

The same with our spouses. They do SO MUCH for us. A woman is married to a man who bought her a house, had children with her [she couldn't have gone solo on that one], gives her companionship, feeds her and her hungry children [well, at least he pays for the food. She can feed herself:-)] etc. etc. And a wife does SOOOOOO much for her husband  - a quotes from Forbes magazine: 

Think you can't put a price on motherhood? According to a new survey by Salary.com, a division of human resources consultant Kenexa, moms should be charging $115,000 per year for their work.

In the tenth annual Mom Salary Survey, researchers examined 6,616 mothers and attempted to value their work by breaking down motherly duties into 10 separate titles: Day Care Center Teacher, CEO, Psychologist, Cook, Housekeeper, Laundry Machine Operator, Computer Operator, Facilities Manager, Janitor and Van Driver.[That was 2011 - today it is much higher].

[As if you can put a price on motherhood. Oscar Wilde famously said that a cynic is someone who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing]. 

Yet, spouses constantly criticize each other!! A constant focus on the negative.

People love to criticize the President, their doctor, the rabbi etc. etc. etc. etc.

SO MUCH NEGATIVITY!!!

I always say - Before you criticize somebody, first walk two miles in his shoes. This way, if he gets angry, you are two miles away and have his shoes.  

  

So SWEET BELOVED FRIENDS!!! LET US TRY A NEW MEHALECH [modern yeshivish word meaning "approach"]. "Catch" your kids doing something right. "Shiya, you bentched SO NICELY!!" "Rochel, you are playing SO BEAUTIFULLY with your sister". 

Or your spouse "Avromie, thank you SOOOO MUCH for throwing out the garbage". "Dassy, you look AMAZING today. Is that a new outfit?".

JUST ACCUSTOM YOUR MOUTH TO SAYING POSITIVE WORDS, WORDS OF APPRECIATION, LOVE AND AFFECTION. Do this at work, at play, EVERYWHERE.

There is an interesting gemara [brachos 16] that says that if one says וכתבתם על מזוזות ביתך ובשעריך and isn't sure which one he is up to, the pasuk in the first paragraph or the second, if he automatically continues למען ירבו then he can be rest assured that he was up to the second paragraph and need not go back. Why? Because your mouth has "automatic pilot" that can be trusted. Make your mouths "default pattern" a compliment, a "gut vort" ["good word" in Spanish], expressions of endearment etc. etc. 

Look at "Rebbetzin" Oprah. Actually - don't look at her:-). But think about it. She is a billionaire. Why? Because she is SOOOO positive. She is so respectful of her guests. She really pretends to care [she probably really does]. She is so ACCEPTING. In Modern Hebrew this is called הכלה - to embrace another human being in all of their faults and follies and to LOOK FOR THE POSITIVE.

If you can do this then you will have a quality MORE VALUABLE THAN A BILLION DOLLARS. And the best thing is that you can START TODAY!!!! Right now. Take out your phone and email someone something positive "I was thinking about you - how are you?" "Sorry I was a bit harsh this morning. I was in a rush and harried. I love you". "Hey Bubby - HOW ARE YOU FEELING?? You know that you are the greatest bubby EVER!!" 

Yes, sometimes we NEED to criticize but make the percentage ten positive for every negative. At LEAST! 

I always like quoting the Zohar Hakadosh [cited by the Sfas Emes in Tazria. Or as one email I receive calls it, "Sazria" - which is correct by the way:-)] that just as one will be judged by Hashem for every BAD WORD he or she said, he will also be judged for every GOOD WORD that he COULD HAVE SAID but didn't. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

#wordscankill

#wordscanheal