לזכות גילה שושנה בת נעכא גיטל לזש"ק
I recently asked "Shimon's" good friend "Reuven", how "Shimon's" grandfather was doing. He responded that Shimon didn't know because he isn't in touch with his grandfather. It has been a probably a few weeks and I have yet to recover from this conversation.
Shimon is a very frum man. He has learned a lot of Torah. How can he not be in touch with his grandfather? The grandfather was recently widowed and has some health issues. He doesn't call to say "Good Shabbos"?? A two minute phone call??!!! He doesn't visit? NOTHING? They are not in a fight. I have seen them interact. They don't have much to say to each other but are cordial. But he is his GRANDFATHER!!!! UNLESS his grandfather doesn't WANT him to be in touch, I DON'T GET IT! Now I know Shimon. He follows the "rules". He won't go out of his way to be friendly but when people are in his vicinity he will be very nice [like most people - how many people pick up the phone and call people just to show they care?? Rare]. I imagine that he is the same way with his parents - he won't call them just like that but if he needs something he will call. He will visit sometimes because in his group people go to their parents for Shabbos. He follows social convention. He doesn't see having a kesher with his grandfather as one of the "rules" he has to follow.
You might think I am being to harsh with Shimon - he means well. I know he means no harm to anyone but I will share what bothers me: A person has to realize WHY HE EXISTS. He exists ONLY because of his parents and grandparents [and G-d]. That is IT [of the people presently on the planet unless he has great grandparents]. If EVERY SECOND OF MY EXISTENCE is ONLY thanks to a certain person - THEN I OWE HIM EVERYTHING!!! Even if when I call I don't have much to say, IT DOESN'T MATTER. I have to show this person LIMITLESS GRATITUDE in every way possible. It break my heart to see parents and children who are "not close". Again - if the parents don't want a relationship it is another story but that is almost never the case. It is not the parents obligation to initiate - adult children should be mature enough to understand on their own what their obligations are. [Shimon is not a malicious person. He is just unaware].
The Yerushalmi explains that honoring parents is a פרעון חוב - Payment of a debt. This debt applies to one's grandparents as well [everything his parents were able to give him was only because of THEIR parents]. When do you ever completely repay this "debt"?
NEVER. FOR ETERNITY you are indebted. Us to our parents and grandparents and our children to us. This is SO PASHUT that one need not learn Torah to understand. The gemara's model example for Kibbud Av is a goy named דמא בן נתינה. This is a moral obligation that obligates all of mankind. But it also made it into Judaism's "TOP TEN" - SMACK IN THE MIDDLE. NUMBER FIVE. Kibbud Av is the bridge between בין אדם למקום and בין אדם לחבירו because it is BOTH. Your parents were G-d's partners in your creation [HE did most of the work but your parents were indispensable in the process] and you have a moral obligation to repay all of the good they have bestowed upon you.
Now this would be true EVEN IF THEY ABANDONED YOU AT BIRTH!! In certain communities [not Jewish] the "minhag" [among some - not all] is to get women pregnant and then to leave them alone to raise the child [I will overcome my natural inclination to share some relevant jokes...]. One must honor even such a [irresponsible, morally deviant] father. He gave the child existence. THAT is enough. But OUR PARENTS - who did soooo much for us, a fortiori [קל וחומר]. And that extends to grandparents as well.
SO PLEASE - however much you honor you parents and grandparents, you could proabably improve. IT IS EASY. Well, it is actually very difficult. But it is easier when one thinks of how much we owe them.
I grew up without grandparents. Both of my grandfathers died in infancy [mine - not theirs. Thankfully. Not thankfully that they died but that they made it past infancy]. Both of my grandmothers died LOOOONG before I was born. I had a great grandmother until I was 17 and then she passed away. I am SOOO ENVIOUS of people who have living grandparents. Never take them for granted. They don't stay around here for ever. Nor do your parents.
CHAP AREIN!!! HONOR YOUR PARENTS TODAY:-):-)!!!
#everydayismothersandfathersday
#everydayismothersandfathersday
