A Feminist Rant With Anti-Semitic Undertones

The following post on Facebook was brought to my attention. I quote - unedited:

I am angrier than I have been in a long, long time. And this post is going to reflect that.

In the past few weeks, no fewer than three American women have contacted me either themselves or through an intermediary for help escaping a marriage they do not want. They range from a regular Jewish woman in an abusive relationship, to the wife of a manipulative rabbi who has the support of other rabbis. This message is to all of the Jewish organizations and community leadership, who have utterly failed the women of their community.

Why do women who have connections, family, community, who live the way their leadership tells them to, have to reach out to a woman in Israel in hopes that she can help them?

To those who reached out: Please don't get me wrong. I want you to come to me.

I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER FOR YOU and connect you with people who can help.

But I will rage against the people who abandoned you. Who should be helping you and make you feel like you have nowhere to turn.

Yes, I am talking to you, OU, RCA, BDA, Agudah and every single rabbi and organization and person who sees him/herself as part of the Jewish establishment.

You have failed the women of the Jewish community by not making this a top priority, by not having immediate resources, immediate consequences, and immediate assistance, for a woman who finds herself in this position. You are to blame for making it acceptable to extort a woman for her divorce. You are to blame for making it so difficult for a woman to leave a marriage that she doesn't know where to turn.

You offer Jewish women the scraps you leave behind.
You can't even stand up and tell the idiots erasing Jewish women to stop. This is how much we mean to you.

I know my words are angry. But this is our reality. A reality that you do nothing to change.

I have seen the man behind the Orthodox establishment curtain, and he is afraid of his own shadow. He cannot stand up for right or wrong because he's so worried about what others will think.

Haichan Ha"gedolim"? Haichan Ha'achrayut??

You are failing your sisters, wives, mothers, daughters. And you are failing our God.

Let me respond: 

A] The Jewish people are blessed in many ways but as a nation we have a LOOOOTTTTT of problems. Let me list just a few: Addictions to drugs, alcohol, Internet etc. etc. The tuition crisis [in the US] where if someone is not making deep into the six figures he can't pay tuition. Mental illness that affects so many people and families. Children with learning disabilities. Anti-Semitism. Pure fatigue from the overwhelming responsibilities of being an Orthodox Jews who has to juggle work, family, communal and personal obligations. We also have a small number of pedophiles in our communities who destroy the lives of innocent boys. These are just SOME of the problems. EVERY PERSON has problems with which he or she struggles. We ALL have things bothering us. Life is not simple. It is a struggle replete with challenges at every step. Being a child is challenging. Being a young adult is challenging. Being middle aged is a challenge and certainly old age. We have all lost loved ones and if we live long enough will continue to do so. So it goes. LIFE IS TOUGH. THEN YOU DIE!!!

So abusive husbands are but ONE of the MANY problems we have. Is it the BIGGEST problem? I don't know. How many husbands abuse their wives? Who is to say that it is a bigger problem than, say, kids going off the derech? The numbers of the latter are certainly much, much higher.  I am not minimizing the severity of the problem. Our hearts cry for every suffering woman. But we cannot ignore all of our other problems and make this issue the only one with which we contend. 

B] It is not the fault of any rabbi when a man mistreats his wife. It is the fault of the abuser. Period. DON'T BLAME RABBIS WHEN PEOPLE SIN. Rabbis don't encourage people to sin - they actually quite strongly discourage it. Let us place the blame squarely on the shoulders of the perpetrators. Can the Rabbis put an end to it? Trust me - if they could they would. I don't know one Rav in favor of husbands abusing wives. But can they go up to a guy in shul and say "Phil, I heard your wife wants a get and you refuse to give it to her. That is not nice. Give her a get". Is "Phil" going to say "Oh sure Rav. If you say so". If only it were that simple. 

C] What about all of the women who abuse their husbands? I have a friend who lived with an abusive woman for SEVENTEEN YEARS OF GEHENOM. I have numerous friends who were put through the meat grinder by their ex-wives. Are all of these feminists who constantly attack rabbis for their lack of concern for suffering women also worried about all of the men who suffer terribly at the hands of their vengeful wives? There are PLENTY. Men may have a monopoly on certain evils [like rape] but have no monopoly on abuse. The women can dish it out just as cruelly. So let us seek equality and invest the same amount of time and effort to help men who are married to abusive women as we do the women married to abusive men. 

D] You are worrying about suffering Jewish women? There are countless thousands who are simply overwhelmed at times with the demands of raising large families and often having to work at the same time. Instead of ONLY being concerned with the very small number of agunos let us think about the innumerable women who are suffering and could use help. Help cleaning the house. Help watching the children so they can take much needed naps. Help in many different ways to ease their burden. SEND MONEY TO LARGE FAMILIES TO EASE THEIR BURDEN. Where are all of the feminists when it comes to women who are suffering but they can't blame the rabbis as they do about agunos?? Maybe instead of writing angry facebook posts they should call up a few friends and give them some much needed chizzuk and maybe a listening ear??

E] No rabbi makes it "acceptable to extort a woman for her divorce". That is an anti-semitic blood libel. If there is such a rabbi then he is a rasha and just about the only such rabbi. 

F] The writer is angry. When one is angry, she is not rational. She is not being rational. There are PLENTY of rabbis and dayanim who work very hard to help women in distress. The writer has clearly never read through the oceans of ink that have been spilled in efforts to help free agunos and the tremendous amount of time and energy the rabbonim invested. Again - a feminist rant against the rabbinic establishment that is not based on fact or reality. 

One story of millions: The Dayan HaRav Shiloh Refael ztz"l [it was just his 20th yahrtzeit] was once asked by a Russian woman for halachic permission to marry. He asked her for proof that she was Jewish. She couldn't supply any. He asked to speak to her mother. She also couldn't prove her Jewishness either. He asked if her mother was alive. She was but lived in Russia. Rav Refael got her address, made a flight, flew to Russia, met with her and asked her about her earlier Jewish memories. She remembered "Lag B'omer" and going to shul for Yizkor. Jewish. The woman got married and produced children Baruch Hashem who will continue to hold the torch of Yiddishkeit. 

G] "You can't even stand up and tell the idiots erasing Jewish women to stop. This is how much we mean to you."  They do it all the time. How many rabbis do you know? How can you make such an incriminating blanket statement?? And Jewish women mean a lot to us men. That is why we invest so much into our marriages and buy our daughters apartments we can't afford when they get married.  

H] Heichan Ha"gedolim". Gedolim are usually busy 20 hours a day helping the prat and klal. They just don't feel bound to set up their agendas based on the opinions of vocal feminists and bloggers. They have a LOT on their plate and try to help as many people as they can. Agunos aren't only issue in Klal Yisrael. And still, PLENTY of big rabbonim try their best to help agunos but it is no easy task. 

I] Humility. Who ARE YOU? What right do you have to dictate to people infinitely wiser, holier and kinder than you what they should be doing with their time? Who are you to criticize when you are so ignorant as to the facts? 3 women called you [not a big number]. Did you speak to the husbands? Are there not two sides to every story? Did you speak to the rabbonim involved? If you did, then did they say "Oh - she is a woman. The Torah doesn't care about women. Let her suffer". The Torah doesn't allow one to cause pain to a FLY, certainly not to a human being and CERTAINLY not to a Jew. 

"And you are failing our God". Ahhh - only you are truly a good Jew. After all, you write for anti-religious blogs. The rabbis? They just learn and teach Hashem's Torah, daven, do chesed etc. etc. Ms. Blogger - Maybe you aren't in tune with the will of G-d as much as you think. Humility. 

J] Yes, I am talking to you, OU, RCA, BDA, Agudah and every single rabbi and organization and person who sees him/herself as part of the Jewish establishment. I am part of the establishment. What, dear lady, would you like me to do? Is it in my power to solve get every man to start treating his wife like a mentsch? I can write about it. I can speak about it in a shiur. But frankly, all of the reshaim who mistreat their wives know that what they are doing is squarely against what the Torah teaches and they do it anyway. We are not all guilty.

K] You are failing your sisters, wives, mothers, daughters. Actually, the vast majority of our sisters, wives, mothers and daughters don't feel that way. Reality check. They are actually quite pleased with us. As long as we remember to put our socks in the hamper and appreciate the work they put into preparing for Shabbos.... 

So let go of the anger. Maybe go to therapy. Fill yourself with love and spread your love to the world. That will do a lot more good than writing angry posts on Facebook telling all of the irreligious Jews how horrible Torah Jews are.