Every choice we make in life has upsides and downsides. No exceptions. There are upsides to being married [LOTS!!] and there are downsides [e.g. it is really expensive, takes away freedom etc. etc.]. There are upsides to being single and downsides. There are upsides to being employed and downsides. Upsides to being unemployed and downsides.Any place you choose to live, whether in Israel of in Chutz La-aretz, is going to have upsides and downsides. There is no perfect place or community. So with everything we do and every decision we make.
Think about that.
So when me make responsible decisions we have to weigh ALL OF THE FACTORS and then make our decisions. This is a big topic I just covered very generally in a scant few lines.
If one lives in Israel they must decide how to raise their children - Charedi or non-Charedi [labels are for cans but I have to use these labels for lack of better description]. Each decisions will have pluses and minuses. No community is without its flaws. Most people don't actively make the decision and just continue on whatever path they were raised. But we are all free people and should critically assess as adults what the best way for us personally to serve Hashem is.
The Charedi community has an unspoken rule - Single girls stay home with their parents until married, usually by the time they are 20. Regardless of how long it takes to find a spouse, moving out is frowned upon and almost never done [to the best of my knowledge].
In the non-Charedi community it is not like this. After high school there are two paths for girls: 1] The army. 2] Sheirut Leumi - national service.
The problem with the army is that just about every Rav of every group since the birth of the State has ruled that it is forbidden for religious girls to enter the army. Many girls go anyway as they feel [or are taught] that this is part of their obligation to the Jewish people. Putting an 18-20 year old girl alone on an army base with many boys her age many of whom are not religious, is - to make an understatement - extremely dangerous. Even if nothing happens, she is still not following the psak of which is an independent aveirah. [Yichud is assur regardless of whether anything happens].
Sheirut Leumi has been the preferred path for most frum [Religious Zionist] girls for the last 70 or so years. Many of the Gedolim waged a fierce war against Sheirut Leumi [such as the Chazon Ish, the Steipler, the Brisker Rov], going as far as saying that it is יהרג ואל יעבור. There have been Rabbonim who approved of national service for girls. Such is the official position of the Chief Rabbinate.
The problem with Sheirut Leumi is similar to the problems with the army. Girls move out of their homes for the year with very minimal supervision [unlike seminary girls who are watched like hawks - a boy in the dorm and everybody involved is kicked out] and move into apartments with other girls ["דירות שירות"]. My wife, due to the education she received, did 2 years of Sheirut Leumi. But she is super frum [much more than me] and not everyone is like that.
Does bad stuff happen? Of course it does.
So what are concerned parents to do?
THAT is a dilemma that has no solution. All of the girls friends are doing one or the other and she won't agree to be different.
The Charedim don't have this problem as Sheirut Leumi is not even considered an option for them.
Does this mean that Charedim are perfect or that one must be Charedi? No. It just means that they are spared this dilemma... The rewards of insularity. One can be more secure that at one's child's wedding that the Ksuba can accurately say "הדא בתולתא".
Charedi girls don't have boyfriends. Unheard of [unless they are rebellious - that has happened a few times in history]. Non-Charedi girls often do because they attend mixed youth groups. How can parents be secure knowing that their daughter is spending time alone with a boy she is in love with/infatuated with/has a heavy crush on? Especially in our day and age. They can't. That is the downside. The upside is that youth groups are very educational and perform a lot of chesed. But there is a serious price to pay.
In Chutz La-aretz many children go to mixed summer camps. Now many great things happen at these camps. But I remember how terrible it was spiritually 30 and 40 years ago [pre-Internet] when I was a kid [e.g. the profanity, terrible breaches of tzniyus, kids eating unkosher etc. etc.] and I would bet that things have only gotten worse. I wonder if parents know what goes on in these places that they spend so much money on. It is hard to believe that they don't, being that they themselves often attended these same camps back in the day. The counselors are 17-18 year old kids who themselves need counselors. I am surprised that this isn't a conversation in the Modern Orthodox world. Or maybe it is. Or maybe things are better today and everyone behaves like a Tzadik.
If you are a parent - think many times before you choose a school and camp for your child. Don't just send because it is geographically close or for other such reasons.
