There was an article on a religious website written by a young rabbi stating that we shouldn't make such a big deal out of הוצאת זרע לבטלה [masturbation]. Yes, it is אסור, but almost everyone does it anyway and it is [virtually] uncontrollable. [When I was a kid, I heard that it is אסור. I'm like "אסור? I don't intentionally do things that are אסור." So I was never once נכשל in this aveirah. I was no Tzadik, am no Tzadik and am attracted to women no less than any other male - but אסור is אסור. Every case is different but I reject the notion that it is close to impossible to control oneself.] So let's leave the topic alone.
WOW!
Today is Rav Kook's yahrtzeit. From the time he was a boy, he never gazed at a woman. Kadosh Vi-tahor. We are not on that level but we should at least STRIVE to be greater.
הוצאת זרע לבטלה is a huge deal, histaklus is a huge deal, everything related to inyanei kedusha is a huge deal. The middah of sexual purity is יסוד which means that it is the foundation of our Avodas Hashem. If you are part of society then it necessitates that you are going to see women but it is clear that the less the better. Not b/c we "erase" women and other nonsensical things people who are empty of Torah and Yiras Shomayim and whose minds and souls are filled with modern secular western attitudes say but b/c we want to be pure and it impedes our purity when we look at women.
In about 1/5 of a second a man can tell if a woman is attractive [and is attracted to her if she is]. That is all it takes. And whether we see it or not, whether we feel it or not - it has a negative effect on our soul. Period. We don't want to "erase" anyone [except, of course, Amalek]. We want to elevate ourselves to be G-dly human beings.
For a Goy, if he didn't sleep with her then nothing happened. He can look, think, want, fantasize all he wants. It is safe to assume that anyone who is not working on themselves is filled with הרהורי עבירה.
We have very different standards. We are not supposed to look, think, want or anything else. We are supposed to have one wife and direct all of our passions there. MOST of our time is spent working, learning, davening and raising our families. If we have a thought באונס - it is just that - אונס. Now we just direct our attention elsewhere and don't stay with the thought.
And, as I often do, I can't resist but quoting the Rambam at the very end of הלכות איסורי ביאה:
וְכֵן יִנְהֹג לְהִתְרַחֵק מִן הַשְּׂחוֹק וּמִן הַשִּׁכְרוּת וּמִדִּבְרֵי עֲגָבִים שֶׁאֵלּוּ גּוֹרְמִין גְּדוֹלִים וְהֵם מַעֲלוֹת שֶׁל עֲרָיוֹת. וְלֹא יֵשֵׁב בְּלֹא אִשָּׁה שֶׁמִּנְהָג זֶה גּוֹרֵם לְטָהֳרָה יְתֵרָה. גְּדוֹלָה מִכָּל זֹאת אָמְרוּ יַפְנֶה עַצְמוֹ וּמַחֲשַׁבְתּוֹ לְדִבְרֵי תּוֹרָה וְיַרְחִיב דַּעְתּוֹ בַּחָכְמָה שֶׁאֵין מַחְשֶׁבֶת עֲרָיוֹת מִתְגַּבֶּרֶת אֶלָּא בְּלֵב פָּנוּי מִן הַחָכְמָה. וּבַחָכְמָה הוּא אוֹמֵר (משלי ה יט) "אַיֶּלֶת אֲהָבִים וְיַעֲלַת חֵן דַּדֶּיהָ יְרַוֵּךָ בְכָל עֵת בְּאַהֲבָתָהּ תִּשְׁגֶּה תָמִיד":
Similarly, a person should distance himself from levity, intoxication, and flirtation, for they are great precipitators and steps [leading] to forbidden relations.
A man should not live without a wife, for this practice leads to great purity. And [our Sages gave] even greater [advice], saying: "A person should always turn himself and his thoughts to the words of the Torah and expand his knowledge in wisdom, for the thoughts of forbidden relations grow strong solely in a heart which is empty of wisdom." And in [Solomon's words of] wisdom [Proverbs 5:19], it is written: "It is a beloved hind, arousing favor. Her breasts will satisfy you at all times. You shall be obsessed with her love."
