The Gemara in Shabbos (21b) asks, "מאי חנוכה?" What is Chanuka? Rashi there [ד"ה מאי] clarifies that the question is: For which miracle was Chanuka established? The Rabbis teach: when the Greeks entered the heichal they contaminated all the oil there, and when the Chashmonaim overthrew them, they could find only one small container of oil. The Gemara concludes: the following year they established and decreed "yamim tovim of hallel and hoda'ah". It is clear from the braisa that the hallel and hoda'ah were instituted for the miracle of finding the oil. One may wonder: why did they decree a holiday for the neis pach hashemen and not for the military victory, a seemingly far more significant miracle?
Another question: When Yosef HaTzadik was sold to the Yishmaelim, it is written that a miracle occurred for him: their camels were bearing spices, so that he would not have to smell a bad smell. With the great tzar (tribulation) Yosef was in, being sold into slavery in Egypt, what meaning or relief was there in the bit of pleasant fragrance around him?
HaRosh Yeshiva Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz derives from this the following: In the hour of victory, when Hashem did wonders and miracles for our fathers, on top of the victory itself Hashem added a loving kiss - and that was the neis pach hashemen. Obviously the victory was the ikar - but the chag was instituted for the neis pach hashemen, for the kiss. Thus it was with Yosef: the camels carried spices because the Ribono Shel Olam wanted to show Yosef, even in the time of his distress, the love He had for him.
A man permits himself to strike someone close to him; one whom he does not love will not receive such a blow.
Sometimes the greatest "kiss" is a blow. A painful slap given by an אוהב is really a kiss of love, a kiss full of rachamim.
When I was a bachur, and I came to the Yeshiva, for half a year I slept in the house of the Rosh Yeshiva, Rav Eliezer Yehuda ztz"l, after which I moved to the dormitory. After a period of time living in the dormitory, I traveled to America to visit my parents, and when I returned, the Rosh Yeshiva requested that I spend the first night in his home. I arrived at the Yeshiva rather late, when he already was asleep, but he left a message that I should come to his house, and so I did. In the morning when I awoke, upon opening my eyes I saw the Rosh Yeshiva standing by my bed, waiting for me to wake up; and as soon as he saw that I was awake, he bent over and kissed me. I later found out that I had merited what none of his grandchildren ever merited; he never gave kisses, yet I merited a kiss. I can still feel this kiss upon my cheek, and try with all my might to pass on this kiss to you.
Sometimes it is a sweet kiss, and sometimes a painful one, but it is always a kiss. Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz tells us that in mechiras Yosef it was spices, a pleasant scent, and on Chanuka it was the miracle of the pach shemen. Each was a kiss from הקב"ה. It is written, "you shall walk in the ways of הקב"ה;" and this hanhaga, the hanhaga of a kiss, is obligatory upon us as well.
Some time ago, I was told a story that demonstrates how much man, often, fails to pay attention to the meaning of his own actions. A bachur was learning in yeshiva, and fell off the derech, becoming very distant. After a while he did teshuva, and he is now a G-d-fearing bachur. They asked him what brought him to do teshuva, and he answered that once, on Simchas Torah, he came to the Yeshiva, and I, in the middle of the dancing, saw him, approached him and brought him into the circle, before everyone. According to him, the fact that I paid attention to him and brought him close is ultimately the reason that he was eventually chozer b'tshuva. I do not remember the incident at all, but from it we can see how one action, though it may be relatively small, can have real influence. In truth, the small things a man does often are more significant than the (seemingly) bigger things.
In chinuch, "the left hand pushes away and the right hand draws close." The pushing away is only with the left hand; the ikar is the right. There are people who are cheerful and happy, and there are people who are cold. It is caused by his mehalech hachaim, his family and his home. If there is closeness between family members, all of them will turn out cheerful and happy; and if the atmosphere is oppressive and tense, the chinuch is in a bad state. Obviously, the house should not be hefker; one needs sometimes to give punishment, but in general, there needs to be an atmosphere of קירוב, of bringing close When a child is cheerful, it indicates that his parents are drawing him close; and if the child is bitter, things are not going well in that house. Sometimes, one good word in the right place is worth more than a thousand rebukes. The ikar is that there must be connection between man and his friend; an atmosphere of distance can destroy much. This applies between a man and his wife, as well as between a person and his friend. One must know how to bear no grudge against another (לפרגן), and to take care to ensure a good atmosphere.
We learn all of this from the hanhagos of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. In these days we feel the closeness to Hashem in the zchus of this special incident of the neis pach hashemen. This afternoon, when we light the candles and say"She'Asah Nisim," each one of us should feel that his is receiving a special kiss from Hashem, and thereby strengthen, as well, his own love for the Ribono Shel Olam.
May Hashem open our hearts, and illuminate our hearts towards love, that we may relate to our brethren with love, and merit that which the gemara states, the one who is careful with the ner will merit children who are talmidei chachamim.
