Excerpted From a Ma’amar by the Tolna Rebbe Shlita
Baruch Hashem, we live in a generation of wealth and luxury, when we are privileged to attend many
weddings and simchas. We must try to ensure that these great comforts do not lead us to ingratitude,
that although we are accustomed to this standard, we still appreciate all the privileges we have.
When a person has the opportunity to attend somebody else’s simcha, whether it’s a bris, a bar-mitzva
or a wedding, whether it’s the simcha of a neighbor or friend, and certainly if it’s the simcha of a distant
or close relative, one should think carefully before he arrives about how much the parents making the
simcha had gone through to reach this milestone. Before attending a bar-mitzva or wedding, one should
think of all the effort the parents invested in the child’s education, how hard they worked caring for
their child, for both his material and spiritual needs, and how they are now able to celebrate his
reaching the age of bar-mitzva, or his wedding.
When a person thinks of all this, he can participate in his
fellow’s simcha wholeheartedly, with genuine joy.
This must be emphasized particularly in regard to the chupa ceremony, during which many people
converse with one another about all kinds of important or unimportant matters. If they would just
consider for a moment the emotion experienced by the ba’alei simcha, and the priceless value of this
great moment, when a Jewish boy betroths a Jewish girl with chupa and kiddushin, when the פמליא של מעלה – HKB”H’s “entourage” – is present together with all the family’s forebears who come down from
Gan Eden to take part in the simcha, and if they would consider also all the fears and concerns felt by
the chasan and kalla and their parents at that moment, they would remain silent and fully participate in
the simcha. And during the dancing at the wedding, there are guests who are unable to take part in the
dancing, and if they truly cannot dance, they should at very least participate, if only for a short period,
by standing to the side and clapping or singing. Otherwise, they are expressing ingratitude for the great
abundance which our generation enjoys.
Just seventy years ago, Jews throughout Europe were unable
to celebrate weddings, as was the case during the period of Greek persecution, when the Greek Empire
banned weddings.
The wicked Queen Izevel was worthy of having a proper burial, despite all the evil she perpetrated,
because she would clap in front of brides (Pirkei De’Rabbi Eliezer, 17). If this was the reward given to an
evildoer like Izevel, then certainly we will earn all the blessings in the world by truly participating in the
simchas of our peers. As Chazal teach "One who brings joy to
the groom and bride earns the five ‘sounds’” of celebration with his own children".
Delivered at a sheva berachos on Motzaei Shabbos Parshas Vayeishev, 5771 (2010).
Adapted into English by David
Silverberg.
