When I reflect upon the nature of relationships in modern western culture, I see tremendous chaos. There is no stability. A girl goes from boy friend to boy friend to boy friend. A man from girl friend to girl friend to girl friend. Very often he starts with a new one when he isn't finished with the old one. People usually live together between they don't want to commit. Move in with this one and then out until they move in with the next one. After a few years of living together and often even children - they finally take the plunge. Marriage!!
That doesn't last too long. They will in almost half the cases divorce. At least once but often multiple times. In the United States today, there are nearly 13.6 million single parents raising over 21 million children [!!!]. It is just a statistic but start counting. 1, 2, 3, etc. Each number is a child who suffers because they are not being raised in a healthy, secure two parent family unit. Then they get older and repeat the cycle because that is all they know. This is one of the biggest crises facing modern man.
Even when people stay married - they are often having flings on the side. Ashley Madison, which boasts it is "the global leader for affairs," has more than 54 million [!!!!!!!] member accounts. A little over half of Ashley Madison's users are female.
What is going ON here???
There is not one person who will claim that it is moral to cheat yet so many people are actively doing so in a premeditated manner.
The answer is in Mishlei. People today are "חומר" - raw material that looks for צורה - form. They go from one form to another and to yet another. That is the אשה זרה - seductress that Mishlei discusses in numerous places.
והנה, עיקר חובת האדם בעולם, החיוב הגדול על כל אדם שמגיע לעולם הוא לתת לכל הדברים צורה, להכניס את כל הדברים לאיזה שהוא מהלך מסוים. התורה מגלה איך לעשות את זה, אבל שורש כל החיובים של האדם הוא שהאדם צריך להיות זה שנותן צורה אמיתית לעולם, הוא צריך להיות המעצב של כל העולם שסביבו. הוא זה שקובע, והוא זה שנותן לו את הצורה האמיתית. לולא כן, אם האדם לא יעשה זאת, החומר ישתלט עליו, והיינו, החוסר צורה. החומר בטבעו מחליף את הצורות, ובכל פעם הוא מבקש ורוצה צורה אחרת. בדברי הראשונים, וכפי שמזכיר וחוזר על כך הרמב"ם בהרבה פרקים בספר מורה נבוכים, מלמדים אותנו שלכך התחבר ספר משלי, זאת האזהרה שחוזרת ונשנית שם, להצילך מאשה זרה (משלי ב' ט"ז) אשר חלק משמן חִכָּה (שם ה' י"ג) ורגליה יורדות מוות (שם ה' ה'), היא אותה אחת שממנה צריך לברוח, ומשלי מסתיים בשבח הגדול, אשת חיל.
This approach to relationships has of course filtered quite aggressively into our communities as well. And it is a churban mamesh. To be the right chomer is to stick with one צורה and make that your permanent form - come heaven or high water. Marriage is a challenge - FOR EVERYONE. The next one is going to have issues this one doesn't have. But people delude themselves into thinking that they will only be truly happy if they find that perfect person - who doesn't exist. Or does exist - in their fertile imaginations. You have problems - fix YOURSELF. The last time a woman changes a man is when he is in diapers. We have control over nobody but ourselves.
For more - here.
