Not just that you "feel badly" for the other person. EVERYBODY has that quality [except for sociopaths and psychopaths*]. True Jewish rachamim- mercy comes from the word רחם - womb. The womb is place where tremendous amounts of resources are invested in order to create a new person. Mercy wants to see this person recreated [and not just relieved of the present woe]. Mercy is more gratified to see the person happy than it is distressed to see the person in pain.
רחמים מציין את מידת אהבת ה׳ לבריותיו, אשר היא כללית ביותר ולעולם לא תאבד. מידת הרחמים צריכה גם להיות העיקרון המנחה ליחסים האנושיים. ״רחמים״ הם אהבת המשפחה, אהבת ההורים לילדיהם, ואהבת הילדים זה לזה בגלל ה״רֶחֶם״ האחד ממנו יצאו.
אנשים נוטים לבלבל בין ״רחמים״ לבין הביטוי העממי ״רחמנות״, ולפרש את מידת הרחמים כחמלה. אך החמלה היא במדרגה הרבה יותר נמוכה מאשר הרחמים האמיתיים.
מהו הפחות מצוי, ומהו האצילי יותר: השתתפות בצער הזולת או השתתפות בשמחתו? מעטים מאד האנשים שאינם חשים צער בייסורי חבריהם. אך ודאי הוא, שלא כל אלה שמשתתפים היום בצער האביון, ישמחו באותה מידה אם בין־לילה יעשיר, ומחר יעבור על פניהם ברחוב עם משפחתו במרכבה הדורה.
״רחמים״, המידה בה ניכרת אומתנו (יבמות עט.), הם יותר מאשר חמלה. ״רחמים״ נגזרים מ״רֶחֶם״, המציין את השקעת הכחות העזה והמתמסרת ביותר על ידי ברייה אחת, למען יצירת ויציאת ברייה אחרת; הקדשת כל חלבו ודמו למען התהוותה והשלמתה של ברייה חדשה. ה״רֶחֶם״ הוא ביתה של המסירות העמוקה ביותר. גם אחר־כך, כאשר נשלמה הברייה החדשה, הרי שה״רחם״ – אותה מסירות עמוקה – מביא לא רק לידי חמלה על בכי התינוק, אלא לידי שמחה קרובה אף יותר בחיוכו. חיוכו של תינוק בחיק אמו נותן תמורה לשנים של דאגה ולילות ללא שינה. מ״רחם״ נגזרת מידת ה״רחמים״. מידה זו לא רק מצטערת בצער הזולת, אלא אינה יודעת מנוח עד שתראה אותו בשמחה.
[הרב הירש ז"ל]
[*The fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), released by the American Psychiatric Association in 2013, lists both sociopathy and psychopathy under the heading of Antisocial Personality Disorders (ASPD). These disorders share many common behavioral traits, which leads to some of the confusion. Key traits that sociopaths and psychopaths share include:
A disregard for laws and social mores
A disregard for the rights of others
A failure to feel remorse or guilt
A tendency to display violent or aggressive behavior
In addition to their commonalities, sociopaths and psychopaths also have their own unique behavioral characteristics and origins.
Sociopaths tend to be nervous and easily agitated. They are volatile and prone to emotional outbursts, including fits of rage. They are more likely than are psychopaths to be uneducated and live on the fringes of society. They are sometimes unable to hold down a steady job or to stay in one place for very long. It is often difficult, but not entirely impossible, for sociopaths to form attachments with others.
Many sociopaths are able to form an attachment to a particular individual or group, although they have no regard for society or its rules in general. Therefore, the meaningful attachments of any sociopath will be few in number and limited in scope. As a rule, they will struggle with relationships.
In the eyes of others, sociopaths will generally appear to be disturbed or erratic. Any crimes they commit, including murder, will tend to be haphazard and spontaneous rather than planned. Because of their seemingly erratic behavior, sociopaths are easier for both professionals and nonprofessionals to identify than are psychopaths.
Unlike sociopaths, psychopaths are unable to form emotional attachments. Psychopaths tend to be aggressive and predatory in nature. They view others as objects for their amusement. Although they lack empathy, psychopaths often have disarming or even charming personalities. They are manipulative and can easily gain people’s trust. They learn to mimic emotions, despite their inability to actually feel them and will appear normal to unsuspecting people. Psychopaths are often well-educated and hold steady jobs.
Some psychopaths are so good at manipulation and mimicry that they have families and other long-term relationships without those around them ever suspecting their true nature. When committing crimes, psychopaths carefully plan every detail in advance and often have contingency plans in place. They will seem unflappable in a crisis.
Unlike their sociopathic counterparts, psychopathic criminals are cool, calm, and meticulous. From a law-enforcement perspective, the “cold-blooded” nature of psychopaths makes them very effective criminals. As such, they are generally more difficult to identify than are sociopaths. Unfortunately, it can be hard to know when a psychopathic predator has targeted you for exploitation.
Ultimately, psychopathy is rarer than sociopathy and is considered to be the most dangerous of antisocial personality disorders. Not surprisingly, many serial killers, including Ted Bundy, Dennis Rader (BTK), and John Wayne Gacy, have been unremorseful psychopaths. Indeed, it is estimated that nearly 50 percent of all serial killers are psychopaths. - Psychology Today]
