לזכות אבי מורי ואמי מורתי שיחיו
לע"נ מרת אסתר בת ר' שמואל
There are two poisonous middos between which people generally don't differentiate. In medical school, the students learn to identify diseases in order to heal them. That is what we would like to do!!😊
לע"נ מרת אסתר בת ר' שמואל
There are two poisonous middos between which people generally don't differentiate. In medical school, the students learn to identify diseases in order to heal them. That is what we would like to do!!😊
Egotism and egocentricity - מאי בינייהו ["what is the difference between them" in Swahili]?:
"Egotistical" means to think very highly of one's self, usually understood to mean unrealistically highly. "Egocentric" means to think only of one's own problems or concerns, or someone who doesn't care about other people.
They are not the same. A person can think that he is Hashem's right hand man, a know-it-all, master-of-all-trades, flawless-in-body-and-soul [egotistical] but be a very caring generous person, always ready to help in any way or lend a listening ear [not egocentric].
A person can be completely focused on oneself where everything is about ME and how I feel [egocentric] but not have such a high opinion of oneself [not egotistical].
To a certain extent, we are all a little egocentric. A child will say "that is Dovie's father" because in his world, Dovie really matters and his father is only an extension of Dovie. Adults are similar. "That is Shloime's brother in law". Now Shloime's brother in law might well have had a rich life before Shloime married his sister but my frame of reference is Shloime because I know him and I don't know his brother in law.
Or I see someone who once deeply offended me. The first thing I will think of is the pain he caused me to feel [or better - I allowed myself to feel after his remark]. If he made a complementary comment that made me feel like a million bucks - THAT is what I will think of. Now this guy have lives for HUNDREDS UPON HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF SECONDS besides that moment when he said what he said - but my egocentrism will focus on that moment because it was about ME.
Or when it rains people complain. Why? Because the fact that I will be slightly less than completely comfortable in the two minutes until I get into my car and then have a more challenging drive is more significant to me than the fact that an entire country will have a water supply....
So the goal is not to be COMPLETELY devoid of egocentrism because that is nigh impossible but rather to limit it as much as possible.
So let us take Yosef as a case study!!
- He is successful because he is constantly mentioning Hashem. וַיַּרְא אֲדֹנָיו כִּי יְהוָה אִתּוֹ וְכֹל אֲשֶׁר הוּא עֹשֶׂה יְהוָה מַצְלִיחַ בְּיָדוֹ - His master saw that Hashem was with Yosef and He made him successful [39-3]. Rashi explains that Hashem was with him means that he was constantly talking about Hashem.
[Heard from the late great Rabbi Issac Bernstein z"l - The proper grammatical form for the word for successful should be "צלח", and not the causitive "מצליח"? The word "לכתוב means to write while להכתיב means to dictate - cause another to write. לשבת means to sit while להושיב means to cause others to sit. So say "צלח" and not "מצליח"? From here we see that a successful person is one who makes others successful... מצליח].
- The wife of Potiphar attempts to seduce him. His response [39-9]:
אֵינֶ֨נּוּ גָד֜וֹל בַּבַּ֣יִת הַזֶּה֘ מִמֶּ֒נִּי֒ וְלֹֽא־חָשַׂ֤ךְ מִמֶּ֨נִּי֙ מְא֔וּמָה כִּ֥י אִם־אוֹתָ֖ךְ בַּֽאֲשֶׁ֣ר אַתְּ־אִשְׁתּ֑וֹ וְאֵ֨יךְ אֶֽעֱשֶׂ֜ה הָֽרָעָ֤ה הַגְּדֹלָה֙ הַזֹּ֔את וְחָטָ֖אתִי אלֹהִֽים
"In this house, there is no one greater than I, and he has not withheld anything from me except you, insofar as you are his wife. Now how can I commit this great evil, and sin against G-d?"
It is not about ME. If it were just about me [and you] - then maybe we can talk. But it would be a terrible affront to my master - and the Master of the Universe.
- He is languishing in jail. Instead of immersing himself in his own misery and feeling of victim hood [and victim he was!], he instead notices his jail mates' distress and says [Breishis 40-7] "מדוע פניכם רעים היום" - "why are you sad today"?? Now as the Tolna Rebbe Shlita pointed out - people in such conditions are usually quite distressed, so what was Yosef asking?
He must have noticed that today they looked sadder than normal. So he noticed them EVERY day!! And as Rav Baruch Mordechai Ezrachi noted - if they opened up to him, that means that they knew that there is someone to talk to here...
- Yosef is called up from the dungeon:
וַיִּשְׁלַ֤ח פַּרְעֹה֙ וַיִּקְרָ֣א אֶת־יוֹסֵ֔ף וַיְרִיצֻ֖הוּ מִן־הַבּ֑וֹר וַיְגַלַּח֙ וַיְחַלֵּ֣ף שִׂמְלֹתָ֔יו וַיָּבֹ֖א אֶל־פַּרְעֹֽה:
So Pharaoh sent and called Joseph, and they rushed him from the dungeon, and he shaved and changed his clothes, and he [then] came to Pharaoh. [41-14]
Why did he get all dressed up? For himself??
Says Rashi:
He did so for the honor of the king. NOTHING to do with him.
- Paroh says that I heard that you know how to interpret dreams. Yosef is mortified. It is not about me AT ALL!!
And Joseph replied to Pharaoh, saying, "Not I; God will give an answer [that will bring] peace to Pharaoh." [41-16]
This is not a time for frumkeit!! This is your chance to get out of jail based on your talents. What is he mentioning Hashem for??
Because it is never about him...
- When he reveals his identity to his brothers and they fear retribution, he responds [46-5]:
"But now do not be sad, and let it not trouble you that you sold me here, for it was to preserve life that G-d sent me before you".
And then
וַיִּשְׁלָחֵ֤נִי אֱלֹהִים֙ לִפְנֵיכֶ֔ם לָשׂ֥וּם לָכֶ֛ם שְׁאֵרִ֖ית בָּאָ֑רֶץ וּלְהַֽחֲי֣וֹת לָכֶ֔ם לִפְלֵיטָ֖ה גְּדֹלָֽה:
וְעַתָּ֗ה לֹֽא־אַתֶּ֞ם שְׁלַחְתֶּ֤ם אֹתִי֙ הֵ֔נָּה כִּ֖י הָֽאֱלֹהִ֑ים וַיְשִׂימֵ֨נִי לְאָ֜ב לְפַרְעֹ֗ה וּלְאָדוֹן֙ לְכָל־בֵּית֔וֹ וּמשֵׁ֖ל בְּכָל־אֶ֥רֶץ מִצְרָֽיִם:
And G-d sent me before you to make for you a remnant in the land, and to preserve [it] for you for a great deliverance.
And now, you did not send me here, but G-d, and He made me a father to Pharaoh, a lord over all his household, and a ruler over the entire land of Egypt.
It was all part of the Divine plan. It is not about me or my suffering at all! But I want to help Dad and you!!
מַֽהֲרוּ֘ וַֽעֲל֣וּ אֶל־אָבִי֒ וַֽאֲמַרְתֶּ֣ם אֵלָ֗יו כֹּ֤ה אָמַר֙ בִּנְךָ֣ יוֹסֵ֔ף שָׂמַ֧נִי אֱלֹהִ֛ים לְאָד֖וֹן לְכָל־מִצְרָ֑יִם רְדָ֥ה אֵלַ֖י אַל־תַּֽעֲמֹֽד:
וְיָֽשַׁבְתָּ֣ בְאֶֽרֶץ־גּ֗שֶׁן וְהָיִ֤יתָ קָרוֹב֙ אֵלַ֔י אַתָּ֕ה וּבָנֶ֖יךָ וּבְנֵ֣י בָנֶ֑יךָ וְצֹֽאנְךָ֥ וּבְקָֽרְךָ֖ וְכָל־אֲשֶׁר־לָֽךְ:
וְכִלְכַּלְתִּ֤י אֹֽתְךָ֙ שָׁ֔ם כִּי־ע֛וֹד חָמֵ֥שׁ שָׁנִ֖ים רָעָ֑ב פֶּן־תִּוָּרֵ֛שׁ אַתָּ֥ה וּבֵֽיתְךָ֖ וְכָל־אֲשֶׁר־לָֽךְ:
"Hasten and go up to my father, and say to him, 'So said your son, Joseph: "G-d has made me a lord over all the Egyptians. Come down to me, do not tarry.
And you shall dwell in the land of Goshen, and you shall be near to me, you and your children and your grandchildren, and your flocks and your cattle and all that is yours.
And I will sustain you there for there are still five years of famine lest you become impoverished, you and your household and all that is yours."
- It could be that the reason Yosef was punished and had to stay in jail for two more years when he asked his friends to mention him before Paroh was because on his level he was expected to totally put aside all personal considerations when helping others and not mention himself and his own needs.
