Three Ways Of Viewing Others

There are three ways of viewing other human beings. 

• One is - I have no interest in him and he has no interest in me. And we move on with what we think we have to do in life. No connection or relationship made. That is how most of us relate to almost everyone.  

• The second perspective is "what can I get out of him?". A loan, a ride, a business connection, a customer, a date with his daughter for my son etc. etc. The list is endless - as long as the human desire to acquire things. Or maybe it is something emotional - he will be impressed by me, make me feel important, smart, well liked etc. etc. It is all about "what can I get from this person". 

Often, a person begging for money will approach the same person numerous times - even after the person just gave him 2 minutes before. This is because he doesn't see human being - he just sees objects who can give him money. For all intents and purposes, every person is the same - a potential donation [not even "donor". The focus is on the donation not the donor. The donor is merely a means to the donation]. So of course he doesn't notice who the person is and will ask him for money after having just received. He will be friendly until he gets his money, then maybe mumble a thank you and quickly move on to the next "hit".

A person receives a favor and quickly forgets about it. What about true gratitude? Much more rare than it should be considering how much we benefit on a daily basis from so many people.  

Avraham comes to Grar and they take away Sarah after he says that she is his sister. After Avimelech complains that Avraham wasn't truthful with him, Avraham explains that since there is no fear of G-d in this place he was afraid that they would have killed him had he been totally honest. 

The Gemara explains that he was saying was

 "אכסנאי שבא לעיר, על עסקי אכילה ושתיה שואלין אותו או על עסקי אשתו שואלין אותו"

When a guest comes to town - do you ask him about food - i.e. if you can feed him. Or about his wife - i.e. what can you take from. Nice looking lady - maybe I can get her. 

And so it goes, so many go through life - objectifying people. What can I get out of this person. 

Two families make a shidduch. Boy likes girl and girl likes boy. Then it often becomes a business deal - each side trying to squeeze as much as they can out of the other, never considering or caring whether the other side actually has the money. One reason that there are so many people buried under mounds of debt is because other people sucked them out for everything they were worth and much more more until they agreed to the shidduch.

Is this moral? No. It is actually cruel. But somehow it goes on day after day among otherwise upstanding Jews with barely a peep in protest.

Someone sees another person and says eagerly "have you davened maariv yet?" The other fellow answers "yes" and the first person turns away - disappointed. Meaning - you were only of value if you could help us complete a minyan. Now that you will not - you have lost your value. An object. A religious object but an object nonetheless. 

• The third perspective is to see a person and think "what can I give this person?" Respect, money, a smile, a kind word etc. etc. Every human being is a potential receptor of the kindness that this person is ready and willing to disburse. We are all millionaires. There are millions of times and millions of words we can say to brighten someone's day. 

So let us never forget. Every human being is needy. It could be for money, for respect, for friendship, for a listening ear, for all of the above or for many more things. When you interact with others, try to zone in on what their needs are and fulfill those needs.

THAT is what life is all about. 

עולם חסד יבנה.