The Nine Days are a GREAT TIME to fix ruptured relationships and to enhance healthy ones. Here is some help.
Gary Chapman: “My conclusion after thirty years of marriage counseling is that there are basically five emotional love languages—five ways that people speak and understand emotional love. In the field of linguistics a language may have numerous dialects or variations. Similarly, within the five basic emotional love languages, there are many dialects....The important thing is to speak the love language of your spouse.”
The five languages are pretty straightforward, but here’s a brief description of what each of them mean:
Words of affirmation: Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise or appreciation.
Acts of service: Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.
Receiving gifts: Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.
Quality time: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.
Physical touch.
Chances are, you can relate to a few of these. Maybe you relate to all of them. But most of us have one or two that are much more important to us than the others, and it’s different for everyone.
“I discovered every person understands and receives love in a specific language, one of five to be precise. The other four are just as important and offer [other] ways to express love to each other.”
There’s really no scientific research behind Chapman’s theory; it just makes sense because it’s relatable. It’s obvious that we all show affection in different ways. These “languages” simply label those ways so you can understand people a little better.
You can probably figure out what your language is by simply giving it a little thought, but Chapman offers a 30-question quiz on his website. This is helpful because, if you identify with more than one language, the quiz tells you which ones stand out most. It might feel silly as you take it, but seriously, do it. The results will break down how highly you rank for each language, as you can see in the example below. 
The concept of love languages helps pretty much any relationship, not just marriage. It’s useful to understand what matters to people.
It can help in business, too. Business strategist Marie Forleo says the love languages concept is her “secret weapon” in maintaining a happy team. As a leader, she finds out how each person on her team feels appreciated, and she can then motivate them accordingly.
Chapman even wrote a follow-up book specifically aimed at the workplace: The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. They’re pretty much the same, but his explainers are translated for professional relationships rather than romantic ones. However, you can probably translate pretty easily on your own by simply taking a look at their behavior and how they respond to things.
Overall, it all comes down to knowing what’s important to people so you can understand, empathize and work with them a little better. Everyone is different. We all have different life experiences; we come from different backgrounds. It makes sense that we communicate differently, too.
Love languages can’t fix everything, of course. They’re not going to solve your joint money problems, for example. They’re not going to make your in-laws more tolerable or get your partner to help out more around the house. But the concept does go a long way in communicating better, and we all know how much that matters in a relationship.
