From the "Medium" blog
“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.” — Steve Jobs, an American businessman and co-founder of Apple.
Reflecting enables you to think deeply. It helps you gain insights about yourself, your experiences, and your world. There is no right or wrong to reflect, so find the best approach for you.
To stop caring about what people think of you, take time to understand yourself better.
Reflect on your priorities and values. When you have a good sense of who you are and what matters to you, people’s opinions become less influential in your life.
2. Be Your Real Self
The moment you stop caring about what other people think is the moment you start being yourself.
Being your real self is about embracing your authenticity. It’s about staying true to your values. It’s about expressing who you truly are.
Accept your imperfections to be your genuine self. Nobody is perfect, including you. Embrace your flaws because they make you unique. Everyone makes mistakes, so it’s okay to have failures.
Celebrate your uniqueness, and don’t seek validation of others’ expectations. You can’t please everyone. Stay true to yourself, and you’ll attract people who will support the real you.
When you embrace your authentic self, people who were meant to be in your life will reject you, and those who were meant to be in your life will love you. You will love you because you are living authentically.
The moment you stop caring about what other people think is the moment you start being yourself.
Being your real self is about embracing your authenticity. It’s about staying true to your values. It’s about expressing who you truly are.
Accept your imperfections to be your genuine self. Nobody is perfect, including you. Embrace your flaws because they make you unique. Everyone makes mistakes, so it’s okay to have failures.
Celebrate your uniqueness, and don’t seek validation of others’ expectations. You can’t please everyone. Stay true to yourself, and you’ll attract people who will support the real you.
When you embrace your authentic self, people who were meant to be in your life will reject you, and those who were meant to be in your life will love you. You will love you because you are living authentically.
3. Surround Yourself with Supportive People
You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people you choose to be around.
Surrounding yourself with supportive people is critical to ensure you don’t care about what others think. It will enable you to be your authentic self.
Seek relationships with others who accept and appreciate you for who you are. Surround yourself with positive influences that will help you boost your self-esteem. You will care less about other people’s opinions when you have a close support group who truly cares about you.
4. Challenge Your Assumptions
Challenging your assumptions is a powerful way to broaden your perspective and have a more open-minded approach. You can gain deeper insights and foster personal growth by questioning and examining your assumptions about why you care so much about what others think.
We often assume that other people are talking about us all the time. Question your assumptions and remind yourself that they are not. Even if they were, their opinions are based on their perspectives.
5. Set Healthy Boundaries
“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.”
Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for your well-being, cultivating healthy relationships, and honoring your needs. Establish boundaries so others don’t cross the line. Learn to say “no” when you need to and prioritize your needs.
6. Develop Confidence
“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.”
Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for your well-being, cultivating healthy relationships, and honoring your needs. Establish boundaries so others don’t cross the line. Learn to say “no” when you need to and prioritize your needs.
6. Develop Confidence
“Confidence is not ‘they will like me.’ Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t.'
Developing confidence is a process that requires taking positive actions. Build your self-confidence by setting and achieving your goals, figuring out your strengths, and focusing on personal growth.
Embrace your uniqueness and maintain a growth mindset — a mindset where you prioritize learning over failure and are unafraid to take risks. With time and focused effort, you can develop confidence that empowers all areas of your life.
7. Shift Your Focus to Your Happiness
“The biggest challenge in life is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else.”
Shifting your focus to your happiness is an excellent way to prioritize your overall well-being and develop a positive mindset. Direct your energy toward your own happiness rather than seek validation from others.
Focus on your own goals, passions, and personal development. Focusing on your happiness can create a positive and fulfilling life that brings you joy and satisfaction.
8. Practice Self-Care
“Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you.”
Self-care is crucial for maintaining your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Engage in activities that nurture your self-esteem, such as exercise, hobbies, and spending time with your family and friends. Furthermore, you can meditate and work on your personal development.
Self-care is about listening to your needs and preferences. Design a self-care routine where you sharpen your saw every day. Assess and adjust your self-care practices to ensure you meet your evolving needs and strive to have a healthy balance in your life.
9. Let Go
The greatest prison people live in is the fear of what other people think.
Letting go can be a liberating practice. It enables you to release attachment, negativity, and burdens that may be holding you back in your life.
Understand that you can’t control what others think or say about you. You can only control how you feel about yourself and what you tell yourself.
Embrace the peace and comfort of releasing a state of mind that doesn’t serve you and open yourself up to new possibilities.
Let go of the need for approval. Instead, concentrate on living an authentic life and embrace your true self. Letting go may take time and effort, so be patient with yourself. Celebrating small wins along the way will help you.
The greatest prison people live in is the fear of what other people think.
Letting go can be a liberating practice. It enables you to release attachment, negativity, and burdens that may be holding you back in your life.
Understand that you can’t control what others think or say about you. You can only control how you feel about yourself and what you tell yourself.
Embrace the peace and comfort of releasing a state of mind that doesn’t serve you and open yourself up to new possibilities.
Let go of the need for approval. Instead, concentrate on living an authentic life and embrace your true self. Letting go may take time and effort, so be patient with yourself. Celebrating small wins along the way will help you.
10. Think Positively
We love to overthink. Thinking negatively rather than positively is easier, so catch yourself when you overthink and assume the worst will happen.
When we think a lot, we believe we are protecting ourselves so that we won’t be blindsided by the unexpected, but most of the time, the worst-case scenario doesn’t happen. Thinking positively is a powerful mindset that can change your outlook on life.
Developing a positive mindset will take time and consistent effort, so practice self-compassion. Embrace the power of positive thinking and see how it transforms your perspective on life. Think that others are positively thinking and talking about you.
Bringing It All Together
We can stop caring about what other people think about us by doing these 10 things. Reflect, be your real self, surround yourself with supportive people, challenge your assumptions, and set healthy boundaries. Furthermore, develop self-confidence, shift your focus to your happiness, practice self-care, let go, and think positively.
What people think of you reflects on them, not you. We all see our world through our point of view. If someone judges you negatively, that demonstrates their mindset. Life is too short to let other people bring you down.
Caring about what other people think of you is in your control. You can’t control what others say and do, but you can manage your reaction to their behavior. Focus on yourself, being authentic, and becoming a better person instead of seeking validation from others.
“Care about what other people think, and you will always be their prisoner.”
We love to overthink. Thinking negatively rather than positively is easier, so catch yourself when you overthink and assume the worst will happen.
When we think a lot, we believe we are protecting ourselves so that we won’t be blindsided by the unexpected, but most of the time, the worst-case scenario doesn’t happen. Thinking positively is a powerful mindset that can change your outlook on life.
Developing a positive mindset will take time and consistent effort, so practice self-compassion. Embrace the power of positive thinking and see how it transforms your perspective on life. Think that others are positively thinking and talking about you.
Bringing It All Together
We can stop caring about what other people think about us by doing these 10 things. Reflect, be your real self, surround yourself with supportive people, challenge your assumptions, and set healthy boundaries. Furthermore, develop self-confidence, shift your focus to your happiness, practice self-care, let go, and think positively.
What people think of you reflects on them, not you. We all see our world through our point of view. If someone judges you negatively, that demonstrates their mindset. Life is too short to let other people bring you down.
Caring about what other people think of you is in your control. You can’t control what others say and do, but you can manage your reaction to their behavior. Focus on yourself, being authentic, and becoming a better person instead of seeking validation from others.
“Care about what other people think, and you will always be their prisoner.”
------------
The way I see it is that everybody who has ever had an opinion of me is either already dead - or his days are numbered and then he will be dead. So I am worried about what a corpse thinks about me!!! 😲😲 Why would I DO that????
Insane!!! 😉😉
Quite fitting for a guy like me who fancies himself to be the "Michiginner Rebbe". 😎😎😎
So instead I reference the Rambam in Hilchos Mezuza [6-13!!!]:
חַיָּיב אָדָם לְהִזָּהֵר בִּמְזוּזָה מִפְּנֵי שֶׁהִיא חוֹבַת הַכּל תָּמִיד. וְכָל זְמַן שֶׁיִּכָּנֵס וְיֵצֵא יִפְגַּע בְּיִחוּד הַשֵּׁם שְׁמוֹ שֶׁל הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא וְיִזְכֹּר אַהֲבָתוֹ וְיֵעוֹר מִשְּׁנָתוֹ וְשִׁגְיוֹתָיו בְּהַבְלֵי הַזְּמַן. וְיֵדַע שֶׁאֵין דָּבָר הָעוֹמֵד לְעוֹלָם וּלְעוֹלְמֵי עוֹלָמִים אֶלָּא יְדִיעַת צוּר הָעוֹלָם. וּמִיָּד הוּא חוֹזֵר לְדַעְתּוֹ וְהוֹלֵךְ בְּדַרְכֵי מֵישָׁרִים.
A person must show great care in [the observance of the mitzvah of] mezuzah, because it is an obligation which is constantly incumbent upon everyone.
[Through its observance,] whenever a person enters or leaves [the house], he will encounter the unity of the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, and remember his love for Him. Thus, he will awake from his sleep and his obsession with the vanities of time, and recognize that there is nothing which lasts for eternity except the knowledge of the Creator of the world. This will motivate him to regain full awareness and follow the paths of the upright.
[Through its observance,] whenever a person enters or leaves [the house], he will encounter the unity of the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, and remember his love for Him. Thus, he will awake from his sleep and his obsession with the vanities of time, and recognize that there is nothing which lasts for eternity except the knowledge of the Creator of the world. This will motivate him to regain full awareness and follow the paths of the upright.
That TOTALLY does it for me. 👍👍😊😊
Another thing I find helpful is the knowledge that .... people aren't thinking about me much. So I don't have to worry what people are thinking of me when then aren't very much or at all. They have their own lives, worries, families, jobs, chavrusas, shiurim, vacations, hobbies, phobias, anxieties, neuroses, false narratives, fears, childhood traumas, etc. etc. Why on earth would they be interested in someone as uninteresting as me??
Something else I often think about is that how can anyone have a valid opinion of me when nobody knows me fully. I mean there are LOADS of thoughts I have that I don't share with anyone, I have had countless experiences nobody else has been privy to, I have feelings about things that are wholly mine and unique - etc. etc. AS WE ALL DO!! So BY GOLLY - How can someone else's opinion of me matter when he doesn't even have the right to an opinion. His opinion is based on a very very very partial picture of who I am.
Heck - I don't even fully know myself. [I like to think that I am such a Tzadik Nistar that even I don't know.] In the words of אור ישראל וקדושו:
את האופי העצמי אי אפשר לשום אדם לדעת, אפילו של עצמו, וקל וחומר של זולתו, לא של יחיד, וקל וחומר של אומה. אנו הולכים סביב להמרכז של הידיעה, עסוקים אנו בהשערות ובאומדנות, לכוין על פי המעשים הגלוים, שגם נסתרים ברובם ממנו, וביחוד סיבותיהם המסובכות, ועל פי תעודות כאלו מדברים אנו על דבר אופי מיוחד ונשמה מובדלה. מוכרחים אנו להחליט, שידיעתנו בזה תלויה היא על בלימה, והמשפט לאלהים [ג' שנ"ב].
So as the Rav concludes - leave the judging up to the True Judge.
There is obviously more to say but we will leave it here and let you digest the content of this essay.
