Independent presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. experienced a series of health issues in recent years, including an abnormality that he said was caused by a worm that entered his brain and then died, The New York Times reported on Wednesday.
In 2010, Kennedy, now 70, experienced severe memory loss and mental fog, he said in a deposition two years later. According to the Times, he consulted top neurologists familiar with the medical history of his uncle, the late Sen. Ted Kennedy, who had died of brain cancer in 2009. A New York doctor, after reviewing a scan of his brain, told him that his health issues could be “caused by a worm that got into my brain and ate a portion of it and then died,” Kennedy said in the 2012 deposition, which concerned a divorce from his second wife, Mary Richardson Kennedy. Robert Kennedy said at the time that his earning power had been negatively affected by the cognitive issues, the Times reported.
Following the revelation that a deadly parasite was once removed from his skull, political experts were shocked to learn that the dead worm found in Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.'s brain was already polling higher than Joe Biden in 11 states.
The latest poll results indicated a large portion of the electorate had abandoned Biden in favor of the deceased parasite that had previously been lodged in RFK Jr.'s brain, leaving the White House scrambling to formulate a strategy to combat the dead worm.
"We weren't expecting to see numbers like these," said one high-ranking Biden campaign strategist under the condition of anonymity. "We considered the fact that Joe would struggle up against living competition, but seeing him fall behind a worm that isn't even alive is a huge red flag. We're really fighting an uphill battle here. And, from what I've heard, you never want to fight uphill."
A campaign team had already begun to coalesce around the dead brain worm, believing it to be the most viable candidate on the left to provide an alternative to Biden. "Brain Worm 2024!" shouted one excited campaign staffer. "Why risk another four years under a failed Biden administration when you can take a stand for a brighter, more prosperous future with a dead brain worm at the helm?"
At publishing time, rumors had begun swirling that the dead worm from RFK Jr.'s brain was in discussions to name the fly that landed on Mike Pence during a debate as its running mate.
