He caught me after Shachris, an interesting character I've gotten to know recently.
"Tell me," he said to me as if sharing a secret, "my son makes up stories about davening every time and doesn't want to come. What am I supposed to do with him – give up? Force him to come? After all, that's not the purpose of davening... What can I do that I haven't already done?
I remembered conversations I had with parents two years ago when I was a sixth-grade teacher. Once, a father caught me before I got into the car and said to me:
"You know how I feel? Like a warrior in the Maccabean War against the Greeks. A war over the spirituality of my children. They want Xbox, movies, TV, and smartphones all day long – and all I want is for them to daven a little, embrace spirituality, and have depth in their lives. How much can I argue with them? And what about school? Isn't he supposed to teach them this?"
"What do you mean?' I asked him.
He took a deep breath and replied:
"That means where is their love of davening? Where is their love for the Torah? Why am I even sending them to school if he can't get my children to fall in love with davening? What do I need them to be like technocratic zombies who mutter tfilla without meaning, and all they have in their heads is Fortnite and FIFA?
I told him, "My friend, you said an accurate sentence."
"Which sentence?" He asked.
"That education begins first and foremost at home. Don't wait for school, school won't replace you. In fact, he's not supposed to replace you. School is important to give you a boost, but when it comes to tfilla – that's entirely up to you!"
"Tell me," I added, "and I'm sorry for invading your privacy, did you daven in shul this morning?"
"Where," he replied with an apologetic smile, "I need to be in the car by 7 to go to work."
"So, don't you have earlier minyanim?"
"There's one at six, but I don't get up for it, it's too hard for me... Do you know what time I go to bed?"
"Listen," I finished, "I'm not a prophet or the son of a prophet, but it seems to me that if your children saw how much their father struggles to get up for davening and how important it is to him, to the point that he juggles his entire day to sleep early – it seems to me they would look at davening in a completely different way."
"Wow," he replied, "you've given me something to think about."
Six months later, I met the same father at the mall. We exchanged a few words, and then he grabbed my hand and said to me with sparkling eyes, "Listen, I wanted to tell you something. Since you talked to me, I've been seriously thinking about the whole matter and I've also shared it with my wife, who is also concerned about the situation. We were thinking about how I could go to sleep before 11 PM. I moved this here, took that out there, and finally succeeded. And then the next day I woke up at 5:27 in the morning. I felt my body tremble. What do I have to do with such hours? I went to daven and finished at 6:45. I entered the house with my tallis, and my son was very surprised to see me. He asked me, "Dad, what time do you wake up?" I replied to him: 'At 5:27 to make it in time for Shachris'.
He told me, 'Dad, I know how much you love to sleep. Is it really that important to you?
"This is very important to me, more than another hour of sweet sleep."
After two weeks of seeing me get up so early, he asked me, "Dad, do you think you could wake me up tomorrow morning so I can come with you to daven?"
"I didn't understand... what, who, when? What happened to him? Why would he want to get up with me for davening? But I went with it and got excited. The next day I woke him up. And do you know what we did after the davening?"
He continued without waiting for my reply: "I went with him to the bakery and bought him the biggest croissant they had in the display case, and a cup of hot chocolate. And then I approached him, looked him in the eyes, and said to him: 'Just so you know, I love you and will always love you, regardless of davening. But I'm proud of you for the step you took today."
It's time to start being the change we want to see in the world.
