This is from Psychology Today.
It is very important to go to a frum therapist and this article [from an avoda zara perspective...] highlights that.
I encourage those seeking a mental health provider for themselves or a loved one to choose a therapist who is a spiritually affirming psychotherapist. By a spiritually affirming therapist, I mean a mental health provider who affirms and respects the healing resources of your spiritual beliefs, practices, and community. If you are a religious or spiritual person, you have the right to receive such treatment.
Despite significant strides in addressing human diversity—including race, ethnicity, gender, and sexual orientation—the mental health professions have neglected religious and spiritual diversity. Most practitioners receive little or no education in religion or spirituality. This lack of training can create serious problems for religiously and spiritually devout clients. Consider Katherine's experience, which I have been granted permission to share.
Katherine’s Story
At 33, after 14 years of marriage, Katherine faced a painful divorce due to her husband’s infidelity. The situation was compounded by his quick remarriage and continued attendance at her church. Seeing her ex-husband and his new wife in the congregation stirred up intense emotions. Members of their religious community often chose neutrality rather than taking sides, leaving Katherine feeling betrayed, isolated, and unsupported—feeling that she had lost much of her social network.
The emotional strain took a significant toll on Katherine's mental health. Recognizing her need for support, she searched online for psychologists and connected with one who was knowledgeable and personable, with a background in the Christian tradition, though he no longer identified with it. He strongly advocated for cognitive therapy, but their discussions encountered challenges. He viewed organized religion as constraining and encouraged Katherine to question her beliefs. Katherine, however, saw her faith as a vital connection to God—a relationship she sought to maintain despite her struggles. She wanted to work through her emotional and spiritual pain, yet her psychologist seemed unable to appreciate the importance of her faith in her healing process.
During one of their last sessions, Katherine shared that she had been on a few dates with a man she was attracted to but felt uncomfortable pursuing a sexual relationship with. In response, he suggested that she might find happiness by allowing herself such experiences. Katherine explained her religious belief in reserving sexual relations for marriage, and he replied, “Perhaps you should consider leaving your church.” This encounter marked the end of her treatment with him. She felt he lacked understanding and respect for her spiritual values.
Shortly thereafter, Katherine found a new psychologist recommended by her pastor—one with training in religious and spiritual diversity and treatment. He expressed willingness to discuss faith and spirituality if it aligned with her needs. He validated her feelings of religious and spiritual betrayal and supported her as she sought to strengthen her relationship with God. During their sessions, they engaged in meaningful conversations about the spiritual issues her previous psychologist had neglected. Katherine found comfort in his spiritually affirming approach, which allowed her to express her beliefs and struggles without judgment. He encouraged her to continue participating in religious practices she found emotionally and spiritually helpful, including prayer, contemplation, reading sacred texts, religious rituals, and worship services. He responded to her emotional and spiritual challenges with competence and empathy—precisely what she needed during her healing.
Katherine’s story illustrates how helpful it can be to work with a spiritually affirming therapist. Her first psychologist failed to address her spiritual and emotional struggles effectively, whereas her second psychologist’s spiritually sensitive and competent approach led to far more successful treatment.
Finding a Spiritually Affirming Psychotherapist
Finding a therapist who you feel confident will respect and honor your faith and spirituality can be challenging, but with the internet, it is easier than ever to find someone who is a good fit. I recommend that you begin by using Psychology Today’s “Find a Therapist” search engine. It has numerous filters you can use to narrow your search, including several that can help you find therapists who are spiritually affirming (e.g., Speciality: Spirituality; Types of Therapy: Jewish, Jungian, Transpersonal; etc.). In addition, I recommend searching Google for mental health provider websites in your area. Many provider websites list their therapists and provide information about their training and specialties, including whether they will work with clients on religious and spiritual issues. Finally, your spiritual leader may be able to refer you to a trusted spiritually affirming therapist.
After identifying who may be a good fit, I recommend that you consider asking the prospective therapist the questions listed below (or similar ones) before your first session:
Are you open to discussing religious and spiritual issues during treatment?
What training did you receive in spiritual diversity and treatment during your graduate training program?
What continuing education in spiritual diversity and treatment have you completed since receiving your degree and license?
In what ways do you include religion and spirituality in your treatment approach?
Can you help me with spiritual struggles I may be experiencing, if needed?
Do you believe that religion and spirituality can serve as resources for healing and growth during treatment?
Can you help me draw on the healing resources of my faith and beliefs during my treatment?
Conclusion
The ethical guidelines of all professional mental health organizations require therapists to develop knowledge and competence in the religious and spiritual dimensions of diversity and treatment. Such competence enables therapists to draw on their clients’ faith and spirituality to support effective healing. Religion and spirituality offer distinct coping resources that can help people heal and flourish and should not be overlooked during mental health treatment.
When seeking treatment, you have the right to receive it from a provider who honors the healing potential of your faith and spirituality. I encourage you to choose a spiritually affirming psychotherapist if you or your loved ones need professional help.
References
Koenig, H. G. (2005). Faith and mental health: Religious resources for healing. West Conshohocken, PA: Templeton Press.
Pargament, K. I., & Exline, J. J. (2022). Working with spiritual struggles in psychotherapy: From research to practice. Guilford Press.
Richards, P. S. (2024). Honoring religious diversity and universal spirituality in psychotherapy. In L. Miller (Ed.). The Oxford Handbook of Psychology of Spirituality (2nd ed.) (pp. 338-363). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.
Richards, P. S., & Bergin, A. E. (2014). Handbook of Psychotherapy and Religious Diversity (2nd ed.). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Richards, P. S., Currier, J. M., Jones, R. S., Pearce, M., & Stephens, D. (2023). Training opportunities and resources for spiritually integrated psychotherapists and researchers. In P. S. Richards, G. E. K. Allen, & D. K. Judd (Eds.), Handbook of spiritually integrated psychotherapies (pp. 423–447). American Psychological Association.
Vieten, C., & Lukoff, D. (2022). Spiritual and religious competencies in psychology. American Psychologist, 77(1), 26-38. https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0000821
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This is something else about the topic:
How important is it for you as an observant Jewish person to seek counseling from an observant Jewish therapist? The truth is that while any competent therapist ought to be able to help you with the issues you are facing – whether it is depression or marriage counseling or anything else – there are certainly benefits to working with someone who is on the inside of your cultural circle. Research in fact bears out that people tend to see the most success in their therapy when they are matched with therapists from their own cultural background. Here are some of the reasons you might be better off with a therapist from an Orthodox background.
You don’t have to explain as much.
Even the best and most understanding counselor, if not already quite familiar with Orthodox practices, will need explanation about the many ways in which what we do is different from what the rest of the world does. Think about trying to explain Shabbos to someone who has never heard of the concept before. “We don’t work on Saturday. Every Saturday. Except I don’t mean work like you think of work. I mean all kinds of things that are considered, uh, creative labor, like cooking or driving or turning on lights. Which I know is not really labor, but that’s the definition of it. Also, Saturday really starts on Friday, at sundown, and goes until sundown on Saturday. Except not really sundown, actually, when three stars come out. Medium-sized stars.” Hopefully, if you have a good therapist, they won’t start looking at you funny just because you are describing a religious system different from theirs – but it still is a lot to explain before you can get to the point of what you even wanted to talk to them about it. With a frum therapist, all that is already understood and taken for granted. It’s a lot of time and effort saved.
You aren’t judged on your religious beliefs or behaviors.
Theoretically a therapist is never supposed to being judging you, but one can imagine it might be difficult for someone totally ensconced in Western values to be fully accepting of some of the things we do. You’re struggling with stress and anxiety and you’re thinking about having more kids? You’re having trouble with your non-frum parents and you still refuse to eat at their house? There are certain values we maintain in the Orthodox world that need to be taken as given; trying to negotiate on whether you really need to eat kosher is probably not a helpful route to take for you. (Note that I am not advocating shutting out one’s parents over kashrus; of course there are many ways to appropriately address the problem(s) described above – but ditching kashrus is probably not one of them for you.)
You don’t have to worry about getting advice that runs counter to halacha.
This also relates to the question of what kind of advice you might get from a non-Orthodox counselor. This can arise in many different areas – such as a suggestion for an anxious person to be more lax on their halachic standards (which may or may not be appropriate – I am not saying that be lenient is automatically a bad idea), or a recommendation to watch a certain show or movie that may not be appropriate. One topic where this is especially relevant is around issues related to intimacy, where that which is common practice in secular society might be completely forbidden in the Orthodox world. (This is a very delicate topic and requires specific personal guidance, from a rav as well as the right counselor.)
Your therapist just gets it.
Culture is a broad concept that comprises many facets – religion, language, shared history, music, and values, to name just a few. Nobody can fully understand another culture unless they live it. And while that level of understanding may not be strictly necessary for a therapist to be able to help you, it sure makes it easier. It also usually makes it more comfortable for clients when they know their therapist has a solid understanding of the issues they are conversing about rather than trying to learn it on the fly. It’s hard to explain the many shades of meaning and feelings generated by one’s child going off the derech, by a broken engagement, or by a frum person showing up in the news as a criminal. Sharing these experiences with a counselor who understands the nuances of these situations is an added relief and comfort.
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The Rav ztz"l writes that the ROOT of all of our problems is spiritual - a distance from Hashem. It is worth finding a therapist who will help one get closer.
