SAINT PAUL, MN - In a well attended drasha filled with many of his chasidim, Democratic socialist Bernie "Boinie" Sanders tried to quote the Communist Manifesto and forgot the words.
During a sichas hisorirus in Saint Paul, Sanders attempted to quote the document treasured by his followers, written by Karl Marx in praise of the glories of communism. Sanders raised his fist on high and called out, "Workers of the world, well, you know the thing!" A flustered Sanders tried to regain his composure but simply continued stuttering and stammering as his speech descended into nonsense, or at least more nonsense than usual. "The proletarians have nothing to lose but their, you know, the thing -- their three houses, maybe? The thing!"
"It was shocking," one Sanders supporter told sources. "I thought Bernie was going to be the next Joseph Stalin or Fidel Castro. But he can't even quote our most cherished document? Big yikes, bro."
At publishing time, Sanders supporters were using their capitalism-produced smartphones to look up the part in the Communist Manifesto that talks about student loan forgiveness.
Bernie's non-Jewish wife defended him by saying that he reads portions of the Communist Manifesto every night before going to sleep [in lieu of the Shema prayer of his youth] and only got confused because he wasn't in bed. After reading the holy writ, she related, he soundly and peacefully goes to sleep, knowing that he is a multi-millionaire and will remain that way as long as capitalism rules. He is also secure in knowing that he cut off 3,300 years of continuous Jewish lineage by siring non-Jewish children. He follows in the footsteps of his hero Karl, whose father Hershel Halevi converted to Christianity and then Marx [who was Halachically Jewish and descended from Rabbis on both sides] married a Gentile and also sired a whole bunch of non-Jewish children. Marx became a rabid anti semite and Bernie too, does his best to harm the State of Israel b/c they don't conform to his view that they really have no right to exist. Sorta like a Satmar Hashkafa on the Medina without religion.
