JA: Obviously, frum families generally need to make significantly more money than the average American family just to stay afloat. But some claim that a culture of luxury and overspending has crept into parts of the Orthodox world. If that is indeed the case, are we ourselves on some level responsible for the financial crisis that the frum community is experiencing?
RNH: Certainly, it costs more to live a Jewish life. We have yamim tovim, simchas, tuition, et cetera. Eliminating the tuition expense would save some families $40,000 to $50,000 a year or more. On top of all that, parents need to pay for summer camp—which is not a luxury [as kids should not be without structure].
Unfortunately, among some, the culture of consumption has gotten completely out of control. Without question, the money to cure our financial difficulties resides within the Jewish community. In a utopian Jewish world, the money that’s being directed toward excess materialism would be directed to make things affordable for others. Yeshivos would be better funded and wouldn’t have to struggle to meet payroll. Endowments and foundations would be set up so that those who cannot afford the full cost of yeshivah tuition would be able receive a scholarship without having to be embarrassed.
Areivus, the responsibility of one to another, is a very deep-rooted aspect of being a Torah Jew. So while I don’t think the affordability crisis in our community is man-made, I think the solution can be man-made.
JA: Can you illustrate how the solution can be man-made?
RNH: Take Satmar, for example, or Belz. The school system in these communities is the responsibility of the Chassidus. Whether or not one has children in the school at the time, if you identify with the movement and the community, you support the school. That’s how these schools can keep tuition to an affordable level for everybody. But unfortunately, this model doesn’t exist outside of the Chassidic world, at least for now.
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As someone who works in the world of finance, I’m wired to think in terms of investing and return on capital. In my mind, an extravagant wedding is the biggest waste of money. The next morning, the guests don’t remember what they ate. Two days later, they barely remember the wedding. People go into debt for what amounts to four to five hours. Instead of setting the couple up with some money toward their future, tens of thousands of dollars are spent to pay for one night. It’s ludicrous.
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Let’s just start with the basic understanding that the more money a person has, the greater the potential for his ego to become inflated. The spiritual test of wealth is first and foremost a test of arrogance—you have more than others, therefore you see yourself as better. Not all rich people have this disease, but it is a prevalent byproduct of wealth. With each step up in level of wealth, the ego increases commensurately. Which naturally is not good for marriage. It’s not good for relationships altogether. And it’s not even good for oneself. What ultimately brings people down is their ego.
I write this in my book, and it’s true—I have heard this phrase from so many clients: “We were so much happier when we had less.” When one of my clients got divorced, he said to me, “Had I not made all that money, we would be happily married right now.”
Money is also an enabler. It strips away certain societal restraints and allows you to do things you would’ve been embarrassed to do when you weren’t wealthy and were just trying to fit in. So firstly, it enables you to buy whatever you want and engage in every insanity you choose. And secondly, you don’t have to worry about the consequences; everybody’s going to want to be your friend anyway. I’m literally just scratching the surface.
More here.
