"Imagine being bitten by a snake, and instead of focusing on healing from the poison,
You chase the snake to understand why it bit you and to prove that you didn't deserve it."
The Psychology of the Chase
When we are hurt by someone—especially when the "bite" feels unprovoked—our ego and our sense of justice scream for a trial. We chase the snake for three main reasons:
The Search for Logic: We assume the snake has a "why" that will make sense to us. We think if we can just understand the motive, the pain will stop.
The Need for an Apology: We believe that if the snake admits it shouldn't have bitten us, the "poison" will magically leave our system.
Defense of Character: We feel that by not fighting back or demanding an explanation, we are silently agreeing that we deserved the bite.
| The Illusion | The Reality |
| The snake bit me because of something I did. | Snakes bite because they are snakes. It’s their nature, not your fault. |
| Closure comes from the other person. | Closure is a solo DIY project. It’s the decision to stop asking "why." |
| I need to prove I'm a good person. | Your character isn't defined by a predator's opinion of you. |
The Reality of the Poison
While you are busy arguing with the snake or trying to analyze its upbringing/intentions, the venom is doing its work. In this metaphor, the venom represents:
Bitterness: Allowing the trauma to define your current mood.
Stagnation: Staying in the exact spot where you were hurt instead of moving toward safety.
Compounded Trauma: Giving the "snake" more of your time and energy than it ever deserved.
The Bottom Line: You cannot argue with venom. It doesn't care about your side of the story or your moral standing. It only cares about destroying you. The only way to "win" against a snake is to get as far away as possible and focus entirely on your own recovery.
