There's something very deep and meaningful about the moment when a person stops and admits to themselves: "I don't really know what I want." This happens to me over and over again in conversations with people – whether they come because of distress, a lesson, personal guidance as a mentor, or simply out of a desire to get closer to themselves. Almost always, it turns out that they simply haven't defined for themselves what they want.
People know perfectly well what hurts them, what weighs them down, what doesn't suit them. But when you ask them what their true desire is – they fall silent.
And I believe with perfect faith: when a person knows their will — the will is fulfilled.
It's not magic. This is a law of the soul.
And if so, the big question is: how do we discover our true desires?
1. True desire begins in silence.
True will is not an intellectual idea, not a logical decision, and not a reaction to the environment. It is a voice. And he always appears when it's quiet. Amidst the noises [and smartphones] of life – comparisons, fears, norms, criticism – it disappears.
Therefore, the first step is to create small moments of pause. Two minutes, no more. And there to ask: "If for a moment I could shed all my fears – what would I truly want?"
This is a question that burns masks. Suddenly, within the silence, an answer arises. Sometimes it's scary because it demands change. Sometimes it evokes excitement. But it's always clear. Because true desire always knows how to speak, we were just too busy to listen.
2. True desire gives a sense of expansion, not contraction.
Our bodies have a navigation system more precise than any psychology book. When a person thinks about a step in life, the body reacts before the thought. Contraction: Fear, anticipation, guilt, old habits. Expansion: Inner Truth. Will. Life.
I remember a meeting with a very well-known person, a famous celebrity in his field. He wanted us to deepen the connection, you could say that during the meeting he really asked us to be friends. It sounded good and very flattering – but something inside me recoiled. I had no explanation. There was no reason. Just a clear feeling in the body. In time, a dark and terrible affair surrounding him was revealed, and he lost his entire world.
I can't explain exactly what bothered me at that moment – but today it's clear to me: something inside me knew. My body felt and knew. True desire always creates expansion. If we feel a contraction, it's probably not a true and authentic desire.
3.
Inspiration is a hint of desire.
Jealousy is a screen that hides it.
There's a simple way to discover your passion: check who inspires you.
Inspiration is not jealousy. Jealousy says, "Why does he have it and I don't?" Inspiration says, "I can do it too." "This belongs to me too."
When someone inspires me because of their silence, their freedom, their family, the meaning they create, the light they radiate — that inspiration is like a flashlight pointing outward, but actually illuminating inward. It tells me something about who I want to be.
Therefore, it's worth asking who the person is who truly inspires me. There is the golden thread that leads to desire.
4.
True desire doesn't require justification.
Authentic desire is the simplest thing in the world: "I want because I want." No, because it's rational. No, because it will be well-received. Not because that's what you "should do."
When I was a reserve battalion commander, we were sitting in a staff meeting one day. When we finished the meeting, the company commander and the deputy company commander of one of the platoons stayed behind to prepare their arrest plan for that night. The company commander, a religious man who lives in Judea and Samaria, mocked his kibbutznik deputy company commander from a kibbutz belonging to the Hashomer Hatzair: "I'm here because of my faith, religion, and political views. Why are you here?"
The company commander smiled and simply replied with a chilling simplicity: "I don't need excuses."
A small moment, but full of truth. This is what a desire sounds like that comes from within, not from without.
5.
There is a desire born from a wound —
And there is a desire that is born from good.
Sometimes a person is sure they know what they want, but that desire stems from an old wound: to prove, to please, to avenge, to show they are worthy.
And I know this firsthand.
In 1999, I was accepted into a prestigious and classified course in one of the security forces. I was happy. I thot I was fulfilling a dream. But deep down, there was a sad truth: I wanted to show my childhood friends that I was successful. I didn't want the job, I wanted the proof.
The course was difficult. I progressed in it, but deep down I knew I didn't belong, not in terms of the aggression it demanded, nor in terms of combat fitness; I really don't like to run. In the final exam, the gun fell out of my hand and I was dismissed from the course.
So I looked for someone to blame. Today I know: the Creator of the world pulled me out of a role that wasn't connected to my soul.
On the other hand, there is a desire that is born from good. I remember my late father, a great man of kindness and abundance, who was a Holocaust survivor, standing at my chuppah and saying to my mother:
"Beautiful, I told you we needed more than ten children – here, the tenth one is leaving home."
He didn't bring ten children to "show the Germans." . He brought them out of a simple, pure desire: to add light. To add life. To have a good influence. To build a tribe of love.
How do you know what your true desire is? If desire is born from sorrow, lack, or a need for proof — it is a wound. If he was born from a life impulse, joy, a desire to do good — that is the true desire.
אורי שכטר - עיתון גילוי דעת
