When I was a child, there was a popular line that said "sticks and stones will break my bones but names willl never hurt me". As a child, I probably believed it. As an adult who despite the fact that he can regulate his feelings and emotions much better than a child I can say that this is absolute nonsense [or, if I were a Brit - "rubbish"].
One must DIE [according to some shittos - literally] before embarrassing a person. One need not die to avoid throwing sticks and stones at him or punching him in the face [see Pachad Yitzchak on Shavuos 'מאמר ח]. Giving a person a derogatory nickname is grounds for going to Gehenom and the key is thrown away [:בבא מציעא נ"ח]. Saying Lashon Hara is similarly a much more severe infraction than physically assulting someone. There are plenty of people who went through the hell of cancer who will tell you that emotional pain they endured at other times in their lives was worse than the physical pain of cancer [one person I know said that being fired from his job was worse. I actually was quite happy both times I was fired. Being unemployed, the money is really bad - really bad - but there was a definite improvement in other areas... I know someone else who was cheated by their business partner and he said that it was worse than the cancer he endured]. We can't *see* a soul but the damage done to it when others are emotionally abusive is real.
I know people who would never dream of causing physical harm to someone but inflict great emotional harm and it is MUCH WORSE even though one can't be jailed for it [very often] unlike physical assult which is a criminal offense. Many more people commit suicide b/c of mental anguish than those who do so b/c of physical pain. There is even a theory that people subconsciously give themselves physical ailments in order not to have to deal with their emotional pain b/c they will have to focus on the physical pain instead. When I experience deep emotional anguish [like when I remember how much better life was before mobile phones or when I think of how the San Diego Chargers beat my Dolphins in the EPIC 1981 playoff game. I remember it like last week. WHATTA GAME!!!! OYYYY Kellen Winslow! He destroyed us! (*US*????) The Chargers had a player they called Monsey and I always wondered what shteibel in Monsey he davened in and how all the mispalelim reacted to the big black dude davening with them. I hope they didn't ask him to be their Shabbos goy. That would have been embarrassing], I literally tell my body not to get sick [in the meantime it is working B"H!!:-)].
I know people who are totally observant of all the Halachos to the best of their ability but when it comes to causing others with whom they are in conflict pain - the Torah goes out the window. There is not much Avodas Ha-middos involved in making sure that food has a hechsher or that one doesn't do borer on Shabbos but tons of Avodas Ha-middos to avoid hurting anyone else. If one doesn't do the Avoda - he will victimize others.
If you are suffering from great emotional distress - there is a website or frum Jews here. Speak to Hashem and find a listening human ear as well.
